May 19th, 2004 - Hash of the Track Not Taken

Hash of the Track Not Taken, 5/19/04

Another big long-*ss hash … and no one got killed in the railroad yard
with the commuter rail tracks and active freight trains! - Cums Alone

Date: Wednesday, May 19, 2004
Hares: Floppy Dick, General *ss Pounder, Wee Willie Wanker
Theme: Hash of the Track Not Taken
Start: The Dugout, Comm. Ave. by BU
Beer Check: along the Charles River near Harvard Square
On-in: Floppy Dick's Place near Harvard Square
Time: 6:30 p.m. HST
Total Distance: at least 4 miles (that would be if you could fly from BU to
Harvard Square)
Scribe: Cums Alone
Weather: 70 degrees or so

Hashers Present: Floppy Dick (hare), General *ss Pounder (hare), A B*tch
Called Wanda, Bonsai, Bumble Beaver, Cherry Poppins, Cums Alone, Just Donna
(2 hashes?), Father Birmingham's B*tch, Friar F*ck, F*ck Me Til My Nuts are
Brown, General’s Farm Animal, GI Jane, Hare Club for Queers, Harpoontang,
High An*s, Holy O!Zone, Just Jason (2), The Jizzmopper, Juggle My Balls,
Just Kate (3 hashes?), Just Kendra, Lickety Slit, Lube Me In, Menage a Tw*t,
Just Michelle, Mom's Cumming, More Head, Just Niall, Nipples Erectus, Paris
S*cks, Petting Officer Stuffing *ss, Puff-n-Stuff, Just Rick (8- 10
hashes?), Shine On Harvard Moon (drove bag car), Sh*tty Trail, Shorn
Scrotum, Sore Throat, Stuff Me, Sponge Bath Square Pants, Wee Willie Wanker,
You're Not My Daddy

Visitors/Transplants: none

Virgins: Chris, Dave, Ed, Heather, Jamie, Matt, Melissa, Phil, and Tamar

Late Cummers: Cum Chowdah (actually, he started with the pack but went to
visit Toss My Salad at Finale and returned after the circle started), Sucks
it Down South

The Start and the Run:

The live hares had already departed. We were told that "shiny" =" danger"
and "rusty" = "safe" and that this would be obvious. Other than that, 3
marks would be on. We had 9 virgins at the start … and a lot of hashers.
Wednesdays are very popular (of course!).

The pack took off in the general direction of Kenmore Square. There was a
check, and the pack split off in 4 directions. All came back to the check.
Hmmm, one way had to be correct. Yup, true trail ran through an alley behind
the Dugout and over the Mass Pike by St. Mary's Street. Then we hit at
least 2 more checks between there and the BU Bridge. Marks were places
sparsely, so it took a good bit of looking to find trail. Trail went up
Comm. Ave. toward the upper BU campus, but the hares were not content to
follow a straight line. At every intersection was a check, so true trail
sort of wound around back and forth across Comm. Ave.

Then in the neighborhood behind Shaw's, several of us totally lost trail. We
found an abandoned check by going a block or so without any marks, and there
were no marks leading off the misplaced check. Seems that somehow we had
missed the right turn that somehow lead the rest of the pack through the
Amtrak freight yard (thus explaining the warning about shiny meaning
dangerous and rusty meaning safe). Trail then followed some abandoned track
under the Mass Pike over to lower Allston. We called several folks who were
ahead of us, but several of them were lost as well. We finally found that
the beer check was over near Harvard Square, just off the bridge by JFK
Street. We were nowhere near there … we were by the Common Ground. So, we
started walking down Harvard Street over to Cambridge Street and took a
right. Up on the bridge over the Mass Pike we saw a false facing the
opposite way. Never did see the check, tho. So we took a left onto North
Harvard Street, past the Athletic Fields, where we ignored the true trail
arrow pointing across the fields. As we continued toward the Charles River,
we found more trail coming back at us (probably additional mileage that was
planned for after the beer check … trail must have gone through the B
school and across the pedestrian bridge back into Cambridge). As we walked
across the Larz Anderson Bridge, we saw the large pack of hashers to our
left. Unfortunately, there was no more beer at the BC, so we made a direct
line to the on-in, over at Floppy Dick Pop Fly's place.

The on in:

Puff-n-Stuff was RA. Comments on the run included: "More checks please", "we
went around the tracks", "obviously you didn't spend hash cash on chalk, you
must have spent it on the beer", "Obviously not, it was Keystone Light", "If
you had beer you were lucky", "If she had beer I'd get lucky", "long *ss
sh*tty trail". The hares did their down down, and sang, "Beat Your Meat at
the Ballgame".

Virgins: Shine On certainly had her hands full. More virgins than we've had
in awhile.
Virgin Matt said Just Kendra made him cum, and his favorite position is with
the girl on top (with the explanation of "I'm lazy, you see")
Virgin Melissa said that Just Donna made her cum (but there are no photos).
And if she were on a bus full of lesbians she certainly would get off.
Virgin Jamie said Virgin Melissa made her cum (a 3 way?).
Virgin Chris was made cum by F*ck Me Til My Nuts are brown. And it's true
that F*ck Me has a girl friend.
Virgin Tamar made herself cum (nothing wrong with that). And when Shine On
asked her "What did one lesbian frog say to the other lesbian frog?" Tamar
answered "We do taste like chicken".
Virgin Dave said Grease My Monkey's Nuts made him cum. He said he was from
New York or Allston, and when asked if the Yankees really suck, he said
Virgin Heather came on her own. She claims to never have faked an org*sm
(which got a chorus of "bull sh*t"). She refused to give a fake o, saying
she was not an actress.
Virgin Phil said GI Jane made him cum (which got a shout of "Don't Ask Don’t
Tell!" from Puffy). His favorite barnyard animal is the cow.
Virgin Ed got Chowdah as his dementor (Chowdah the closer!). Ed said that no
one at the hash had made him cum yet. He thought the square root of 69 was 9
… close.
The virgins were welcomed to the hash with a down down.


  • Backsliding: Sore Throat, Lube Me In, Shorn Scrotum, and Menage all got

down downs. Menage claimed that work was preventing her from hashing. Lubie
said he was blonde too. I have no idea what excuse the other two claimed.

  • New Shoes: General *ss Pounder, and since Floppy had set trail on a bike,

he got to drink out of the other shoe along with his co-hare.

  • GI Jane got a down down for smoking in the circle, and also because it was

his last Boston hash (unless he returns as a visitor)

Chowdah was going to play his hide the salami trick again, however, he
couldn't find a salami, so he had chocolate chip cookie dough instead (he
claimed it was more anatomically correct, being bigger and wider … tho I
hope the brown specs are not), It was bigger wider and available to be
shared by friends.

The bad poetry contest went on inside the hash. Holy O!Zone, Lickety Slit,
Sucks It Down South, Jizzmopper, Hare Club, Just Tamar, Cum Chowdah and
General *ss Pounder all submitted poems. The contest was won by Just Tamar,
a virgin earlier in the evening.

We did hash religion. Everyone continued to drink beer, and eventually the
pizza arrived.

"It's always this big." - General's Farm Animal

—- Cums Alone, your humble scribe

Upcumming Hash Events

  • Seacoast Hash - May 28, Friday Cum Titty Hare, Madbury Town Hall, Madbury,

Cost: $5.00

  • Boston 35 Year Anniversary Celebration (founded 6/9/69). Will be the

weekend of June 5-6, with a Boston area pub-crawl on Friday (June 4), June 5
(campout at TFO’s), June 6 (hangover hash)

  • Saturday June 12, Blair Witch II, Cape Cod .. Hares: Cod The Animal, and

Mother Shucker, Maxi Pad with Wings

  • Ottawa 1000th run, Red Dress Run. Weekend of July 1-4.
  • Buffet Hash - July 10-11
  • Burlington Invihashional - July 16-18
  • Blew Moon Hash in NH - July 30-8/1
  • Hash Canoe Trip (very tentative): August 21? (I really need to get going

on this, limit will be 20 people)

  • Hash Clam Bake: August 28
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