March 22 2003

Date: Saturday, March 22nd, 2003
Start: I dont know… the woods somewhere in Harwich or Dennis
Theme: Martinis + Mud!
Beer Checks: See "Start"
On In: Jay-Zs crib (yeeeeaaah boyeeeee!)
Hares: Deep Throat (well, for this weekend at least thats still her
name), Ever Ready Special Edition, Cod The Animal, Muffalotta,
Trail Hoover
Time: 1:15 HST?
Total Distance: Far enough for two beer checks
Scribe: One Drunk Walking
Weather: 55-60 degrees F
Hounds: (in order of checklist given to me Sunday:)
Sponge Bath Square Pants, Raging Queen, Cum Chowda, Cum Prik
Pow, Toss My Salad, Little Neck, Bang Cock, Oozing Syphilitic
Dictaphone, Velvet Pelvis, WinToes 69, Pond Scum, Sphincter
Sicle, Dr.Who the Slasher (from Boston!), Hot 4 Tots, One
Drunk, MasterGator, Cream Whora, Cock Climber, Friar Fuck,
Sugar Plum Fairy, Puff n Stuff, Swells Like Torn Anus, Anti-
Cock, just Heather, just Andy, Muther Shucker, just Denise,
Swallow My Pride, Basket Boom Boom, Stuff Me, Impo-tent, Prom

Canine Hounds: Shitty Trail, Seamus, and Mr. Peabody

Trail #1: Some people erected their tents in the back, some had a
drink or three, and some probably did both. I heard that
Friars dog, Shitty Trail, who is afraid of most other dogs, was
even frightened of a porcelain statue of a pig? We got into
some cars and drove over to the beginning of the trail, which
was maybe technically in the town of Dennis, in the woods where
high school kids go to drink.
The trail went along a path through the trees that became
progressively narrower and more shiggified. There was a long
stretch though a muddy section of this path w/ only thick brush
and thorns on each side of a shallow, water-filled trench. At
this point you had to decide if you preffered getting wet over
getting bloody… how devious! I think this is good evidence
that live haring under certain circumstances pales in comparison
to pre-laying the trail; theres just no way the hares could have
set this up w/ only a skull-start, unless it was like a whole
hour, and then it wouldnt exactly be a live trail, would it?
So it was only a matter of time until I had to turn left,
give up and get wet. There was a flour mark next to a rusted
little shack, and BC#1 was not far from this, at the edge of a
small pond or bay. There were nice, powerful pink drinks pre-
mixed in Vodka bottles, and a big rusted out car corpse.
Didnt seem like trail was too far between here and BC#2,
but that didnt stop some of the bimbos from autohashing. This
second stop was on top of a hill under some big power lines. I
think they shoulda hung the beer from the stanchion pole things,
b/c it was not waiting for us when we got there (boo!). The
Beer eventually showed up inside of a car, and the bearers of
suds plus two hashers in piggyback formation were pelted w/
snowballs as they ascended the hill. There was a meeting of the
Crack House Harriers, and a pig pile rolling down the hill that
involved MasterGator and no less than 3 harriettes.
Then it seemed like an even shorter distance from here back
to where the cars were parked. Same as last year, the on-in was
at a great little spot within walking distance of our home for
the weekend… JZs bar!

On-In #1: After some discussion, Oozing was appointed RA for the even-
ing. We sang "Green Leaves are Yellow" to get everybodys atten-
tion. The hares were poked into the circle and heres some of
the comments -
"Not enough horseshit", "Scenery +6.9, logistics -6.9, =0!",
Friar wrung his socks out over the hares craniums, "1Pm sharp?",
"Wheres the shiggy?", "Too long", "EXCELLENT!", "Not long
enough", "Didnt get wet", "Wheres the sex?", "Not enough anthrax
and HAZMAT teams", "Wheres the beer?"
The hares sang "Used to Work in Chicago", and then Puffy
and Bo had to drink for wearing the same black GW-riding-a-
rocket shirt. Two of the hares and Basket didnt get wet on
trail, so they drank for shiggy avoidance. Oozing was having
deja-vu, so he brought Cod in for advising those who just
quaffed to beware of the lake after BC#1, and some more people
wearing identical clothing had to drink. They sang a song with
the lyrics "Oh my darling… you tickle mine, Ill tickle yours"
which was a new one to me.
After The Slasher and Swallow down-downed for being over-
achieving doctors, two virgins called Teresa (Denises mom) and
Denise were demented very rapidly - "This is your down-down
song, it is not very long". Some jerk wouldnt turn the jukebox
down after we asked him nicely, so to see how drunk he was we
invited him in for a quick comment. All he had to slur was "If
Im gettin initiated I wanna say 'drink beers and have fun'".
No sh!t, Einstein! Thats like my entire philosophy of life,
The other RAs kept giving themselves down-down privileges
(b/c Oozing was running out of stuff to say, and the big hoagies
had arrived?), so we sang "Theyre the Meanest". We were about
to perform "Swing Low" when someone remembered Heather hadnt had
a birthday down-down yet. It was agreed that the easiest way to
sum up the afternoon was "No sex, lots shiggy", so the hares
drank, Oozing made himself drink one last time, and that was it!

Back at the ranch some more stuff happened, well, like drinking
and watching past episodes of Sex in the City, but of course the
REALLY interesting stuff didnt take place until much later, when
all but 4 of us had gone off to Slumberland; of course Im re-
ferring to Nude Scattergories and Midnight Baseball. Wow.

Two write-ups for the price of one! Im so very generous : )

Date: Sunday, March 23rd, 2003
Start: Huh?
Theme: Ow My Aching Cranium, Make it Stop
Beer Checks: Wha?
On In: Same as where we woke up
Hares: Oozing and Muther Shucker
Time: Afternoon…
Total Distance: A smidge too long for a recovery run, but the fantastic
shiggy made up for this
Scribe: One Drunk Walking
Weather: Just right!
Hounds: Same as yesterday, excluding the "justs", and V. Pelvis, C.
Climber, M. Gator and H. Tots. Virgins were Ty and Shirley

Canine hounds: "It shouldnt happen to a dog"… in other words… ?

Trail #2: Oh snap, I cant really put a coherent picture of this
trail together for you, although I did do a watercolor of
the experience on Tues. night that looks great! Maybe we
can have Hash Art Day sometime + share our creative endeav-
ours? Worth a try…
It was muddy, it was wet, it was a glorious tribute to
hashing at its most hard-core! Songs will be sung about this
trail throughout the ages, I assure you. A prime contender
for Best of '03, without a doubt! If you missed it, you
might not have survived it (more than half of the trail had a
Suction Factor of 6.9 or more), so maybe youre better off?

On In #2: Basket was our RA, and he gave us a rousing and obscure
(for Boston) song called "Lobstermen Back from the Sea". The
hares were shoved inward, and these were comments -
"Proved I was intelligent", "Could it be wetter, please?",
"Sucked me down", "Not enough shiggy, small sheep or goats",
"Almost enough shiggy", "Gorgeous weather, scenery and people",
"I forgot what I was gonna say, but now Ill say it Tore the
Roof off the Muther Shucker!" - okay I gotta toot my own horn
here, and once more at the end - I remember now that what I
WANTED to say was "Not enough Lyme disease", since a hasher
(Torn Anus?) found a large tick on his arm (BC#2?). Can I help
it if Im hilarious? You know you love it : ) Deep Throats
comment was "Theyre real, and theyre spectacular - Im the Shiggy
Messiah!". SPF called Oozing "a belly belly bad mon".
Hares did down-downs and Muther Shucker was "Beat by a
Paki". They did the "I dont want to go to war" song (nice!).
The Virgins enetered, and all fell silent. Cum Chowda demented
them while wearing his little red Satan horns. Ty likes doggy
style and Shirley said "There is no square root of 69" (Ty said
"its irrational"). Heres to them! Friar was caught avoiding
the delicious, nutritious shiggy this time, so he teabagged w/
an assist from SLTA. Basket proceeded to insert a tennis ball
into his rectum. EverReady told yesterdays hares "We need to
talk" (uh oh…), and then they sand "Rhode Island Red". The
circle ended right about when Oozing was pushing Swallow in a
wheelbarrow, it tipped over and she spilled his beer.


"He (Enos?) put his scrotum on the back of my neck while he was
wearing a tutu, for Chrissake!" - Puff n Stuff
"Loggerhead trail is just ahead… that is Lager and Head" ?
"The Shawkanaw (get it? Shock and Awe??) indians mustve set
this trail" ??
"Hey, can I borrow your thermometer?" Me pointing to Swallows
"Watch your hole!" Everybody
"Where does that (F U you Fin F!) come from?"(Stuff Me)"From the
Heart!" (Bo)
"If you dont drink, youre letting the terrorists win!" Puffy!

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