Date: 3/2/03
Start: Clerys Pub
BC: They tell me it was near some place called Reggie Miller Center??
On In: Punters Pub
Hares: Hot for J!zz and Swells Like Torn Anus (LIVE)
Time: 2:00P HST
Distance: Not very far… 3 miles give or take
Scribe: One Drunk Wading
Weather: Cold rain
Hashers Present: Oh crap, I neglected to take a census. Lucky for me
there are no rules! CA, please send me an updated
checklist as soon as youre able - as you know it makes
our scribing a hell of a lot simpler!
Start/Trail: Im going for Worlds Record for Shortest Trail Description
here. Ready? There was 3 "YBF"s, a turkey-eagle split,
lots of puddles and maybe one beer check. I WIN!!!
Beer Check: (This information is missing from the manuscript, as todays
scribe was too busy dodging airborne rat carcasses on the
eagle trail to find the beer… what IS the world cumming
to?)
On In/Circle: Present as RA on the hash was the Right Honorable
P.Diddy. The three hares (inludidng Bag Car CreamWhora)
were invited in to the circle for abuse. There were
comments which did not merit recording, or I hadnt quite
found a pen + paper yet. The irresponsible wankers
drank, and then sang "My Name is Jack (na na na, na na
na), Im a Necrophiliac)".
At Your Cervix and Licorice Nipples, our visitors,
were coerced into the circle w/ vague threats. At Your
Cervix may become a transplant if she sticks around much
longer, as the gravitational pull of the Boston Hash is
becoming stronger each day… she hails from Happy
Valley, via SFCA, and she had no excuse. Ms. Nipples is
from Down Under or Way Over or The Wild Blue Yonder, and
her excuse was "I had nothing else to do". Not very en-
thusiastic, but it works. We sang "Heres 2 Sistahs" as
they pounded beers, and since they couldnt come up w/ a
reciprocal song fast enough, Shine On gave them "Finger
In".
VIRGINS: Spontaneous Rodney had enthusiasm to
spare (come on, guys, "in spades" is too racist for me,
and you know it!), as he got all up in Shine Ons face to
proclaim that his favorite barnyard animal was "THE
WOMAN!". Mike, who was prominently displaying his
opinion that Vaginas R Weird on his shirt, said that his
mom made him cum (doggy style). He also added that his
sister has 2 thumbs and likes oral sex (prove it!).
After we sang "Heres 2 the Virgins", our 2 newbies
quaffed, and Rodney was shamefully "beat by a white
boy"… thats gotta hoit!
Puffy + H4J were similarly attired, and SLTA was
still the other trail-setting hare, so all three drank
after we sang "Meet the Hashers". Impo-tent and Ching
Ching may have been "Born So Beautiful", but that didnt
help them pass the sweat test any. Hot T!ts Houlihan was
whining at the beer check, and still whining as she enter-
ed the circle, but stopped when she put her glass to her
lips ("Thank God she finally shut up" - H4J). AA! was
not happy w/ the map the hares provided (there was a map?)
so a hat was tossed to determine his guilt or innocence.
The hat obeyed the laws of physics, so he drank for
whining, and The Hasher Formerly Known As Cockpit joined
him. The final announcement was that this was Just
Williams fourth hash… whaddya want, a f*ckin medal??
Oh, I guess that means hes due for a name next time.
We sang Swing Low, ate pizza, drank alot, and
got the F outta Dodge. Im feeling an overwhelming urge
to use the F-word right now, so I better stop. Until
the next time Cums Alone doesnt show, I am,
-One Drunk Walking
"My job is that Im a surrogate mom for 2 lesbians"
-At Your Cervix, explaining the concept of
midwifery
