March 16th, 2008 - A Dribbles Saint Paddy's Day

Date: March 16, 2008
Hares: Dribbles & Cream Whora
Bag Car: Ski Bobbit
Pre-Lube: Bertucci's at Alewife
Beer Check #1: Lube Me In's House
On-In: Lube Me In's House
Distance: 3.20 miles
Weather: 40-ish degrees and green
Attendance Bitch: Hiscoxin
Scribe: DEEP Black Hole

The Pack:

Bleeps Sweeps & Creeps (Seacoast), Nipples Erectus, Dirty Latte Sanchez,
Catheter The Great, Puff 'n Stuff, Wooden Eye F*cker Her In The Ass, High Anus,
Wang Chunks, Crucifux, NAMBLA, My Chemical Homance, Hiscoxin, G-String, Sucks
Hard For The Money, Pubic Service Announcement, The Fat One, Bisexual Bondage
Bitch (Transplant from L.A.), Just Kelly, Pat My Fly, Virgin Heather, Amish It
Head (RI), Dr. Who (RI), Swamp Wine (RI), Taj My Hole, General Ass Pounder,
Grease My Monkey's Nuts, Floppy Dick, Stretched Pussy, Just Bonnie (DC), Just
Coleman (DC), Just Dimitri, Scoot & Fruit (Transplant from Japan), Hashbrown
(Transplant from Japan), Homobile, Schindler's Fist, Just Johnny (Brooklyn), You
Oughta Blow, Catch Her In The Thighs (Sembach), Cums Alone, Fuwansi Boner (RI),
Hare Club for Queers, Just Max, European Whore (Transplant from Sembach), Friar
Fuck, DEEP Black Hole, Headmaster, Beat By A Girl, Dude Where's My Virginity,
Sugar Plum Fairy, Just Vanessa
(Slacker)

Late Cummers:

Stones, Lube Me In, Goat Throat, Cocktologist, Sperm Breath, Viagra On Fire

Introduction:

It was a fine Irish day in Boston. It was probably a fine Boston day in Ireland
too. Everyone was drinking in both places, so who's keeping track?

There were a f*ckload of people at the hash, half of which I didn't know. The
more the merrier! Please cum and cum again!! There were transplants, lots of
singing hashers from Rhode Island, and even parents! Yes, somebody's parents
were there. They got some condoms later. And there were two flashing of t*ts!
And one flashing of…something I don't want to see again. Really. Read on to
hear all about it.

Trail:

Pre-lube was at Bertucci's at Alewife, a fine Irish establishment. Okay, it's
not Irish, but the Irish do love Panini's, I can tell you that, as I was there a
week ago. Anyway, seeing as I was dining on some fine Irish Pizza (lots of
sausage), I had Hiscoxin be attendance bitch and take attendance. I think she
did a slam bang job. If you have beef over the attendance, buy her a beer and
make nice. Or buy her a beer anyway.

Right, so the huge pack gathered outside of Ski's fabulous car behind Summer
Shack. Ski could totally pick up chicks in that thing. They'd just be amazed
that the thing runs. Kinda like Ski. ;-)

Trail set off across the overpass/bridge towards Fresh pond, past Guzzetti Jr.
Square (good luck finding that again people), maybe a bit around the Alewife
parkway, and into some residential areas. I really wasn't paying attention to
where trail was going - it's not like I'm scribe or something….

Let's be honest people: Trail is only important for getting to the beer, and
after trail is run, it is no longer important unless something really eventful
happens. Well, the event was the Beer Check, and I remember where that was - at
a house, specifically, Lube Me In's house. I think Rodent Felcher lives there
too, but he wasn't around. Viagra On Fire lives there - she's nice. Who was
around were practically the founders of the hash. I'd guess that about 90% of
you don't know Stones (I didn't), but I met him, and as he is a former GM of the
Boston Hash, I was honored.

Anyway, a lot of the later cummers showed up at the BC. The Rhode Island
Hashers started a singing circle jerk, which some of the more musically
talented/inclined joined in. Many good hash songs were sung. It was a long
beer check - almost as long as trail as a whole. You know a trail is good when
the beer check is long.

It took the pack a long time to get going on trail again. I even remarked "We
should just have the on-in here!" Foreshadowing….

Trail did about a half mile circle-jerk loop from Lube Me In's house back to…
you guessed it… Lube Me In's house. Wang Chunks took pictures of hashers
running into the finish in a racist-like manner. Sometimes I do have good
ideas, but I think the hares decided to have the On-In back at the BC before I
had said anything. Whatever. More Beer!

Circle:

GAP was RA for the afternoon. Comments on Trail included "What a shitty trail"
"Who are all the old people?" and "Circle is larger than the trail between the
beer check and the on-in". The hares sang some mix of "Hog Calling Time" and "I
Used To Work in Chicago". Being that there were Rhode Islanders present, there
were some good verses.

Our Visitors (Bleeps Sweeps & Creeps, Funwansi Boner, Amish It Head, Dr. Who,
Swamp Wine, Just Bonnie, and Just Coleman) came into the circle and regaled us
with the song "Little Bird". One of the Kilt-wearing RI hashers also proved
that yes, he wasn't wearing anything under his kilt. You should never, never
accuse a hasher of lying about that or they will become a flasher. Depending on
who you are accusing, you may not want that….

We had one virgin, Virgin Heather, who was demented by Floppy Dick and Catheter
the Great. Sucks Hard For The Money made Virgin Heather come. Virgin Heather
would not get off the Lesbian Bus, and her favorite barnyard animal is a Goat.
This prompted the dementor/dementress to call in Goat Throat to the circle.
NAMBLA offered to sponsor Goat Throat. I guess you can be revirgnized in the
hash. While entering the circle, somebody ripped off NAMBLA's hat, which was
taped to his cranium (?), causing his head (who said head!) to bleed. Clearly,
the only thing to do at this point was to have Goat Throat deep throat a banana.
Somehow in the chaos Virgin Heather was welcomed into the hash.

There were loads of transplants: European Whore (Simbach), Bisexual Bondage
Bitch (LA), and Just Michael Vick (High Anus, from Atlanta). Bisexual Bondage
Bitch didn't want to do a down-down, so she showed the hash her tits. That's
the first time the hash has seen tits in broad daylight in something like 10
years.

Here's a summary of some accusations, and the accused who down-downed:

Specific Trail Marker - Puffy
Same shirt (Marathon 07) - Hare Club, Taj My Hole, Nipples Erectus, Puffy, High
Anus, Pat My Fly, Headmaster
Backsliders - Ski, Lube Me in, The Fat One, Sperm Breath, Stones, Just Kelly,
Viagra On Fire
Racists - everybody who ran the Ras nEireann race and Ski
Never Left BC (smart hashers) - You Oughta Blow, Crucifux, Wang Chunks
Same Wig - The Fat One, Floppy Dick
Cold Tits - Bisexual Bondage Bitch, who again flashed the hash instead of doing
a down-down. I think I know why her tits are cold. Many male hashers offered
to warm them up for her.
Sweat Test - Crucifux

After so many accusations, it was decided that Just Dimitri was due for a
naming. There was some story about his tobagan hitting a tree (is that what
they call it these days?) and also, if you couldn't tell by the name, Just
Dimitri is a good Irish name (hey, everybody is Irish on St. Patty's day - or
they drink like one). Some suggestions that didn't make the cut for Just
Dimitri's hash name were: Riding the Wood, Eats the Meat Tree, Jackoff
Smirnoff, Dr. Zhufucko, and Boris Felt Him. Instead, Just Dimitri was named the
completely unrelated to anything name, "Gay Pride." Welcome to the hash Gay
Pride!

The accusations continued. Hare Club had a nasty hash crash, and so we thought
a down-down would help make it all better. Wooden Eye Fuck Her In the Ass and
You Oughta Blow had the same shamrocked-shaped glasses, which is obviously a
drinkable offense.

Next came the knowledge to the hash that there were a set of parents present, as
in, a hasher brought her parents to the hash. The parents belonged to Stretch
Pussy, and were Just Bonnie and Just Coleman (I think). Somehow I got called
into the circle for pointing, so I did a down-down with the special hashing
family (awwwww).

Because the subject of condoms had come up with Stretch Pussy's parents, some
hasher from Friday night recalled that Goat Throat actually did a down-down out
of a condom. Thus, he did another down-down. At this point, somebody threw a
condom at Goat Throat. GAP picked it up, gave to Stretch Pussy's parents, at
which point her father said "That's too late!"

At that point, you just have to end circle - so circle was ended with swing low,
and the hash got a piece…of pizza…or two.

Announcements:

Sign up for Marathon! Pre-order your T-Shirt!
http://www.bostonhash.com/marathon08/

Quotes:

"I'm Virgin Michael Vick!" - High Anus, wearing a stuffed doggie found on trail

"If you were a dog, all you'd have to do is go up to somebody, lean on them, and
slobber like G-String"

"The front is the place to be" - Just Max

Beware of men in green dresses. Thanks to Wang, your cross dressing will forever live on in cyberspace.

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