January 24 2008

Date: Thursday, January 24, 2008, 6:30 HST
Hares: Jizzmopper
Bag Storage: Wang Chunks
Pre-Lube: Punter's Pub
Beer Check #1: Tower somewhere in Roxbury
Beer Check #2 (Aborted): By a bunch of bobcats and a cop car
On-In: Punter's Pub
Distance: Little over 4 miles
Weather: &(@#$(*@#$(@^#$ Cold
Scribe: DEEP Black Hole

The Pack
DEEP Black Hole, Ken Doll, Wang Chunks, Piss Stop, You Oughta Blow, Hare Club for Queers, Virgin Liz, Virgin Meghan
Late Cummers: Hiscoxin, Peppermint Pussy

For those of you who didn't come out to the Moon hash, you missed a whole lot of
women and a whole lot of virgins. Yes indeedy, there were more women than men
in the pack, and 25% of the pack was virgins. Repeat 25%. That's three hashers
to a virgin. And it was cold. So there was a lot of close huddling, even
during the actual r*n. And at beer checks. But more on that later.


It was a dark and freezing night. But for some reason, the small pack huddled
together at Punters left the bar in the foolish pursuit of beer by following
JMo's cajun trail. Trail began by weaving through Northeastern, but luckily we
didn't have any run-ins with any of the NE women. Trail continued through some
Projects (I had no idea they were projects), into a baseball diamond (bloody
fences), around and through Northeastern's track, up, down and under the
gymnasium stairs, and past the Roxbury Community College. Throughout the hash,
the pack stayed close together to huddle for warmth and because there were an
abnormal amount of virgins and women in the pack. Finally, after literally
scaling a near-vertical hill (rock-climbing shiggy at it's finest), the pack
sighted JMo in some sort of tower. It was scenic in the only way Roxbury can
be. Loverly. The pack enjoyed some tasty beverages at this first beer check
after having r*n some 3.69 miles.
The virgins noticed Hare Club's beer cozy. I think it kept his hands warm from
the cold can, rather than keeping his beer cold.

Because of the small pack, there was lots of beer left over (WHY didn't you come
again?) so JMo promised us brave ones another impromptu beer check. We gave him
a 6.9 minute head start, watching exactly where he went for the first 3.69
minutes as we were on a huge tower with a good view. Thus, trail was pretty
easy to follow from the first BC.

The pack had only been running a mere 6.69 minutes, with me trailing behind,
when I ran past a building and heard a voice "hey, right here! beer check
number 2 right here!" Turns out JMo was hiding behind some bobcats by a
building. An excellent location for a beer check. Just as I was cracking open
a cold (well frozen) one, Hare Club arrives and says "JMo, there's a cop car
right there." Turns out JMo didn't see the cop car just beyond the bobcats.
Maybe they were sleeping, maybe they were looking up porn on their laptop
computer, who knows. Regardless, beer check number 2 was aborted, or in my
case, turned mobile.

Seeing as we were only a few blocks from Punter's, we all walked back with the
hare directly to the bar to thaw out.


Hare Club was our RA for the evening. Our hare, The Jizzmopper, was brought
into circle. Comments on the evening's trail included "Shitty" "Warm" "Short"
"Magical First Time" (one of the virgins), "My Balls are still cold" (Wang
Chunks…I guess that explains the name). JMo sang "Whip It Out At the Ball
Game" and dutifully did his down-down.

Piss Stop was brought into the circle as a backslider. Her excuse is that she
was getting some from the hubby. That's hash-like behavior. Because she hasn't
hashed in so long, she couldn't remember any of the songs, so our songster Wang
Chunks helped her out by singing "Follow the Hares." At least Piss Stop hasn't
forgotten how to do a down-down.

Next up was the Virgins, Virgin Liz and Virgin Meghan. JMo was the dementor for
the evening. Ken Doll made Virgin Meghan come, and Virgin Meghan made Virgin
Liz come. Virgin Meghan said "I bruised my knees" - Ken Doll apparently has
been a little rough on her. Anyway, Virgin Meghan's favorite sexual position is
"Giving Head." I guess that explains the knees. When asked what the square
root of 69 is, Virgin Liz said "Eight POINT Something" Close, but not quite.
The pack fingernanumously voted the virgins acceptable to join the hash. Welcome
Just Meghan and Just Liz!

The front running bastard, first bitch in, and dead fucking last hashers (Wang
Chunks, You Oughta Blow, and Peppermint Pussy, respectively) were brought into
the circle to drink for their transgressions. Next the racists (Me), including
those hiding their racism as underclothing (Wang Chunks and You Oughta Blow),
were accused and dutifully did down-downs. Then the pack voted Wang Chunks as
having experienced the most shrinkage due to the cold and thus he did a

Some hashers were moon-burned because they did not wear appropriate cranium
cover attire (Ken Doll, You Oughta Blow, Virgin Meghan and Virgin Liz), and thus
had to pay tribute through beer to the moon goddess Artemis. Then just because
they were German (?) Ken Doll and Virgin Meghan did down-downs. Hare Club tried
to sing them a down-down song, but screwed up, and thus did a penalty down-down
himself. Both of the virgins had hash crashes during trail, and thus
down-downed like they fell down. Peppermint Pussy failed a sweat test and Piss
Stop was accused of being too quiet and not flatulent enough (?), so both were
brought into the circle for a down-down. Next, Pepperment Pussy accused me of
not scribing recently which was FALSE, because I scribed YESTERDAY, so she did a
down-down for getting her hash email in digest.

Finally, there were a few hashers who didn't finish their beer at the first beer
check: JMo and Piss Stop. Since that's such a tragedy, they were given a
down-down to make up for their non-hasher behavior. At this point Hare Club put
on a mexican outfit (I'm not joking) and declared a Mexican down-down for
everyone, completely with song. As the small pack had finally exhausted the
hash beer, Hare Club lead us in Swing Low and the hash ended circle to buy pizza
from the hole in the wall and to drink more beer.


  1. Robby Burns Birthday Hash, this Sunday 2:30 HST, Pre-Lube at Sulley's Tap off Causeway St, close to North Station T-Stop.
  2. Sign up for M*rathon Weekend! Cost goes up after February 1st, so sign up now for $40! http://www.bostonha sh.com/marathon0 8/. See past emails for more details, or just sign up anyway because it's going to be the best weekend in April you'll have!


"They should have made them bigger" - Piss Stop
"If there is not a tasty ass comment in the hash trash, I'm going to be offended" - Ken Doll

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