January 20th, 2008 - Bob Kraft Buys Us Beer

Date: January 20th, 2008, 12:30 HST
Hares: Goat Throat and Bend Over Mommy
Bag Car: Save A Tree, Ride A Cowboy
Pre-Lube: Brendan Behan Pub
Beer Check #1: Pond somewhere in Jamaica Plain
Triple X Cider Check #2: Remains of a Building by Gymnasium in some Religious
On-In: SATRAC's Basement
On-After: Some pub nearby with really excellent Chili
Distance: Around 3.5 miles
Weather: Cold. It's Winter in Boston.
Scribe: DEEP Black Hole

The Pack: Cocktologist, Crucifucks, Drippy Spigot, Goes Down On Buoys, High
Anus, More Head, Peppermint Pussy, Taj My Hole, Emaculate Erection, You Oughta
Blow, Wang Chunks, Virgin Dan, Tonya Hardon, Can't Beat It, Corn On The Cock,
DEEP Black Hole

Late Cummers to the On-In: Wooden Eye Fuck Her In The Ass, Head Master, Krusty
The Meat Miser

Late Late Cummers (On-After): Catheter The Great, Dirty Latte Sanchez

Lost on Trail, but found the On-After: Jolly Green Vagina, Friar Fuck, Ken Doll,
Virgin I-Found-The-On-After

Lost on Trail, never found: Virgin I-Got-Lost-On-Trail


Trail was a bit of a clusterf*ck for your dear delinquent scribe. I can't speak
for much of trail before the second beer check (actually, it was a Triple X
cider check - Beer Check of the Year!). Head Master, Jolly Green Vagina, and I
followed something that looked like trail up from the Pre-Lube to some nice
wooded JP areas, past two ponds, down some treacherous stairs, and past two
people who thought I was looking for my dog named "Are You?" because I kept
yelling it. JP folks are nice.

Anyway, with some guidance from cellular technology, Peppermint Pussy, and the
Hares, the three of us finally caught up with the pack at the second beer check,
which was actually a XXX cider check (no not porn — vodka). It was in some
college with a religious name - maybe holy cross? - I can't remember because i
was so damn excited to have caught the pack and received some excellent hot and
toasty libations for it. Right before I drank I ran into a thorn which cut my
face. Apparently I wasn't the only hash crash this hash - Peppermint Pussy had
a spill as well.

Anyway, the cider check was something to behold. It was hidden behind the
Gymnasium on the college in what looked like a burnt-out building (only walls).
We found out that Crucifucks' parents were married there and she was baptized
there. Nothing like drinking in the place where you made friends with Jesus. I
believe her comment was "I'm so going to have to go to church next week for
this." Later on we sang "Jesus Saves." It seemed appropriate. Especially
after we ran past a bunch of folks coming out of church.

From the cider check, trail went up and down some hills, along part of the
Boston Half M*rathon route, and pretty directly to SATRAC's house. But somehow
people got lost. I blame the XXX cider.


The pack slightly petered in, so once we had somewhat of a quorum, Wang Chunks
started circle as our RA. The hares, Goat Throat and Bend Over Mommy were
brought into the circle and sang the song that I'll call "Me Don't Like you
English Soldier" - it's a new one, but a good one. Virgin Dan, the only virgin
of our three that day who actually made it to the On-In (One later appeared at
the On-After), was brought into the circle to be demented by Peppermint Pussy.
Goes Down on Buoys apparently made Virgin Dan come. Virgin Dan's favorite
sexual position is the Reverse Bronco and he demonstrated with Buoys (what a
sponsor!) When Peppermint held a dollar up over her middle and asked our sole
surviving virgin what it was, he answered "A dirty dollar." Close, but not
quite. Virgin Dan dutifully did his down-down and was welcomed into the Boston
Hash as Just Dan.

Our Transplant/Backslider Can't Beat It was brought into the circle next. He's
from Chicago, and he used to work in a department store, but he doesn't work
there anymore. The hash was generally curious about how he got his name. It's
quite simple really - his nerd name is first name Dick, last name Power. Dick
Power. Nope, you can't beat that. The pack sang some song about a blow job mom
to welcome Can't Beat It to the Boston Hash.

Our late cummers, Wooden Eye Fuck Her In the Ass, Head Master, and Krusty The
Meat Miser drank for being so late. High Anus, Peppermint Pussy, and I drank
for hash crashers, although I'm not sure if High Anus actually crashed.

Because this trail was so religious, those hashers with religious names,
Crucifucks and Emaculate Erection, were welcomed into the circle for a holy
down-down. Because half the pack almost went to heaven (or the other place)
because of the icy stairs of death, the hares drank. Then it was determined
that somebody was wearing a cum-stained shirt (Goes Down on Buoys) and somebody
had corn on their cock (Corn on the Cock), and thus they were served a
down-down. Finally, because the football game was close to starting, Wang
Chunks closed the circle with "Swing Low."

The hash then walked (or stumbled) to a pub nearby to partake in more beer, some
really excellent chili, and some macaroni & cheese. Upon arrival, we found
Jolly Green Vagina and Friar Fuck, who never made it to the On-In. Later on,
one of the other Virgins and Ken Doll showed up, having been completely lost on
trail. Some hashers who didn't do trail but get credit for coming out (Catheter
the Great, Dirty Latte Sanchez) also showed up to watch the game. The Pats won,
and there was much rejoicing.


See the email from Ski Bobbit today. In Short, there's a hash tonight and a
hash Sunday. Everyday is Thursunday!

Sign up for M*rathon Weekend so as to get the cheapest price. Tell all your
friends! Start buying your dresses for the Ladies Night Saturday run!


"Unleash your inner brokeback mountain" - Drippy Spigot

"You may also have a small dick, but that's not your song." - Wang Chunks

"Mother nature is a bitch with PMS" - Drippy Spigot

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