February 22 2003

Date: Saturday & Sunday, February 22 -23, 2003
Theme: 2003 X-C Ski Hash in Rumney, NH
Start: somewhere a few miles from the Fat One Estate
Beer Check: in Basket Boom Boom's backyard by Loon Lake (not a long hash to
Rhode Island, we were still in NH, as Basket has a place near the Fat One's)
On-In number: The Fat One's place in Rumney
Hare: The Fat One
Chef Extraordinaire: Sweet Molasses
Time: 12 p.m. HST
Total Distance: 3 - 6 miles
Scribe: Cums Alone
Weather: around 30 degrees, cloudy, drizzly, snowing

Present: The Fat One (hare), Basket Boom Boom (hare), Anal Avenger, Cock
Climber, Cums Alone (me, the scribe), Deposits in the Rear, Double Flush,
Dribbles, Friar F*ck, Geezer Seizure, Hot for Jizz, Impo-tent, Mr. Rodgers,
One Drunk Walking, Puff-n-Stuff, Shine On Harvard Moon, Ski Bobbitt,
Snoreplay, Sugar Plum Fairy, Trail Hoover, WinToes69

RI Hashers: Oozing Syphilitic Dictaphone, Basket Boom Boom, Bondo Jovi,
Short Peck

Late cumming visitors: Peckeroni from NHH3, along with Michelle, Lanie and
Hands Solo from Omaha H3

Dogs: Shamus (Basket's St. Bernard, just a large puppy), Shoot Me I'm The
Fat One's Dog and Sh*tty Trail (Friar's dog)

Also present (didn't do trail): Sweet Molasses in the kitchen cooking all
day, with an assist by Shoot Me I'm the Fat One's Daughter, Bart

Once again, the Ski hash was a wonderful weekend trip. It's amazing the food
that Sweet Molasses cooks for the crowd. We arrived to find a keg already
set up by Basket Boom Boom. Hashers were pre-lubing before the start of

We piled into cars and drove through Rumney to the start, which was in some
state park. Missing, but expected, were WinToes, One Drunk Walking, Cock
Climber and Impo-tent. We circled for an explanation of marks, as provided
by The Fat One. There would be a turkey/eagle split, with the eagles
following the blue trail from the split. Turkeys were to follow the red
trail (colored flour on snow). Well, we took off and found no marks from a
check in the middle of the field. Finding trail involved skiing/snowshoeing
around the perimeter of said field til we finally found marks. At the far
edge of the field, maybe 200 meters to the right was true trail. We then
bushwhacked for a bit, until we found a trail. We wandered aimlessly in the
woods, while The Fat One swept.

Unfortunately, The Fat One didn't set the turkey eagle split until after the
pack (with the exception of the late arrivals mentioned above) had passed
the shortcut for the turkeys. So, everyone took the longer trail, except for
the late starters: WinToes, One Drunk Walking, Cock Climber and Impo-tent.
Puffy, having a bout of overachieving, ran by the pack on his snow shoes,
turned a corner and fell forward spread-eagled across the trail.

Deposits, who was wearing borrowed hiking boots, developed blisters, and was
having a tough time keeping up with the stragglers. Double Flush and I were
considerably behind the pack, and getting tired from snowshoeing in deep
snow. Then we happened upon Friar, who had been given a shortcut by TFO.
Friar was attempting to do the trail in just hiking boots and was sinking
almost hip deep every few steps. Sh*tty Trail was running around him in
circles, trying to herd him ahead. We passed him and trudged onward.
Eventually, we arrived at a lake (Loon Lake, I do believe), where trail
ventured past a bit of thin ice and then over the middle of the frozen lake.

Sure enough, we could see hashers on the far shore, maybe a quarter mile
away. It was the long-overdue beer check, and in addition to beer, we had
hot chocolate with peppermint schnapps. We let Anal Avenger know that
Deposits in the Rear had blisters and had slowed down. We kept looking
across the lake. We saw someone … it was One Drunk on cross country skis
… followed by WinToes and Impo-tent and Cock Climber. They had passed
Deposits (hmmm?!?), and said she was quite a ways back. Anal and Hot for
Jizz went back on trail to find her. HFJ looked like a Mounty or maybe some
sort of deranged search and rescue action figure … he carried a large
backpack and enough gear for 3 people.

Finally, the rescuers and rescued made it back for the, by-then, lukewarm
chocolate. As trail to the beer check was approximately 5k, and as it was
drizzling/snowing, hashers were given the option of following trail back to
A, or going back in cars. I opted for the car, as I was quite wet, so you
can imagine the rest of the trail for yourselves (think … cross frozen
lake, bushwhack back around a mountain through woods … most of the trail
not packed down snow … drizzle, cold, snow, getting dark).

The short cutters all piled into cars to drive back to TFOs. Short Peck ran
his 4 wheel drive off the road accidentally, but in a brilliant recovery,
was able to return to the real road. Friar was not so lucky. His van somehow
slid off the road, and got stuck, fortunately avoiding slipping into a
ravine (the van was left there, for one of the later hash rescue teams).

Eventually, the hash made it back to TFO’s. It was around 5 p.m. and we
were missing One Drunk, who had skied the second half of the trail, but not
been seen since he passed the pack and became the lone, lost FRB. A search
party was ass-sembled to look for One Drunk, and another group departed to
pull Friar's van back onto the road. We waited, the circle was yet to
start, but we were hungry, so we started to eat the wonderful food. Shine On
was pounding down the munchies. The phone rang, it was One Drunk, who had
gotten a terrorized Rumney resident to let him use the phone (he fortunately
remembered TFO's nerd name, since he didn't know the phone number).

Once everyone returned, we ate before we did the circle. Sweet Molasses had
spent the entire day (and probably the night before) cooking a lot of
specialties. We had crab Rangoon, some sort of egg roll with beef filling,
rice dishes, noodle dishes, chicken wings, etc. etc. etc.

The on in:
Oozing was RA for a change. The Fat One and Basket Boom Boom were given the
requisite abuse. Comments: "Lovely day for a cross country swim hash", "Not
long enough", "Hole in the Ice", "Great day for search and rescue", "Great
day to be lost in the woods", "6.9!", "Fabulous food and beer", "great fire
at the beer check", "I give it 9.6 because the middle was the end", "best
10k show shoe", "I'll bring snow shoes next year", "6.9 because Basket still
hasn't gotten naked", "6.9 because I got humped on trail by Shoot Me I'm
TFO's dog". The hares did their down down and sang the "I Love My Girl"

And then, Basket removed his red union suit, and gave it to Sweet Molasses
for her to wear. Gee, that's what happens when it's pointed out that we'd
gone almost the whole day without seeing him naked.


Sweat test failures got a down down (Hands Solo from Omaha had only arrived
after trail, since his flight got into Hartford at 11 a.m.). Peckeroni’s
friend, Michelle, who is a drilling consultant, didn't have a sitter (she
ignored the shouts of "show us your bits"). They sang the "All my Jism"

Cake … Sweet Molasses had baked a cake to commemorate Deposits and Anal
getting married the other weekend. Anal Avenger did NOT smear cake in
Deposits' face, I am happy to report. We sang them the "I've Got the Clap"
song, while they did their down down.

At some point during the circle, Puff-n-Stuff took over as RA, since Oozing
was losing control.

Ski hash virgins were given a down down: Cock Climber, Geezer Seizure, Hot
for Jizz, Impo-tent, Puff-n-Stuff, Snoreplay, Sugar Plum Fairy, Bondo Jovi,
Hands Solo

After a bunch more accusations, we finally did "swing low" and ate more

Trips to the sauna were followed by naked (or not naked) plunges into the
pool in the brook behind the house. Short Peck was the first to hit the
frigid water.

Ski, Dribbles and Mr. Rodgers left, followed shortly thereafter by Anal
Avenger, Cockpit and Deposits in the Rear.

In the morning we awoke to the smell of bacon. We had that, plus eggs,
pancakes waffles, fruit, and coffee and juice. After we did our grateful
thank yous, we bid farewell to TFO and Sweet Molasses, and got on the road
to Bahston and parts south.

Quotes: "You'd mount anything." - Shine On to Sugar Plum Fairy
"Sh*tty Trail is to Shoot Me I'm the Fat One’s Dog, as Shine on is to Sugar
Plum Fairy"
"She doesn't drink beer, and I don't drink out of the toilet" - Friar F,
regarding Sh*tty Trail
"If you strap them on right, they work great" - someone at the start of
"I'm over him." - Oozing regarding Skunkchaser

New Song:
Where is One Drunk?
Where is One Drunk?
We don't know
We don't know
Hashing in the shiggy
Hashing in the shiggy
Lost on Trail
Lost on Trail

And you really would need to see the picture … camel toe briefs with a
dollar stuffed in them. Tighty whities were stained with (hopefully) dark
beer, and hung from the chandelier in the family room.

And where has Funky Diva been? We haven't seen him since last year’s X-C Ski
hash? Maybe he’s getting lucky.

—- Cums Alone, your humble scribe

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