December 23rd, 2007 - The City of Two Queers Hash

Hares: Wooden Eye FHITA & Motion of the Lotion
Start: Commonwealth Restaurant and Lounge, Quincy
On-In: Granite Rail, Quincy
Distance: About a mile
Weather: 40's
Original Gangsta Pack: Just Ailenn, Va Jay Jay, Schindler's Fist
Late Cummers: Sugar Plum Fairy & You Oughta Blow
Religious Advisor: Jolly Green Vagina
Bag Car: Jolly Green Vagina
Hash Cash: Jolly Green Vagina
Scribe: Jolly Green Vagina
Hog Caller: Jolly Green Vagina


This hash redefined HST from "sorta later than Eastern Standard Time" to "completely not having anything in common with Eastern Standard Time". The hares were away at about 3:10 EST, with the pack following at 3:20 or so. JGV led a quick circle mostly for the benefit of Just Ailenn, who on her second hash has already established a solid reputation as a Backslider of Epic Proportions. Anyone who doesn't know Just Ailenn but would like to meet her will probably get another chance sometime in July or August next year. In any event, the pack broke circle quickly in order to put some distance between themselves and JGV's solo version of Father Birmingham.

After nearly 3/10s of a mile of hard running, the pack reached the first beverage check in the parking lot of an abandoned funeral home which was absolutely in no way at all creepy or strange. In fact, Schindler's Fist seemed completely at home. In a show of unhashmanlike behavior however, no beer was present, and the beverage in question was hot apple cider spiked with generous amounts of brandy. Hashmanlike order was restored with the late arrival of SPF and You Oughta Blow, at least one of whom was drunk on trail, courtesy of the Jingle B*ll run.

Nearly 6/10s of a mile later was the second beverage check in Faxon Park, which is apparently where all the cool serial killers go to dump the corpses of their victims. Fortunately, any dead bodies on trail were conveniently refrigerated beneath two feet of snow, and the pack moved on after a second (or in some cases, fourth) helping of cider.

Finally, after another grueling 9/10s of a mile, the pack reached Quincy Center, but experienced difficulty locating the On-In, due to an Arbitrary Change of Sidewalk infraction, for which MoLo later did a down-down. Eventually the pack got where they were supposed to go, guided on their way by the dulcet tones of JGV standing on the corner and yelling "ON-ON!" like he was back in Nebraska, pimping farm animals (acquitted, FYI). The On-In was once again at the Granite Rail, which was chock full of half-drunk, low-rent Santas enjoying the Pats game.

The circle was perhaps the fastest in Boston Hash history, being performed entirely in the break between first and second quarter. Comments on trail: "Not enough beer" and that the flour was a pretty shade of pink. When called on to sing, the hares eventually came up with "Please Put a Penny in the Old Man's Hat" which was vaguely disturbing enough to pass without comment, besides which, the pizza was getting cold. Accusations included a cranium cover (JGV), Arbitrary Change of Sidewalk (MoLo), and racist behavior (You Oughta Blow). Circle was concluded with a 78 RPM version of Swing Low.

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