August 27th, 2008 - The Superhero Hash

Alright folks, so this is a way belated hash trash due to the fact that I was disheartened by the theft of the scribe's notebook, but my faith in humanity has been restored along with its return by a good Samaritan. Now I can look at stupid penis drawings whenever I want, thank God. Oh, also I was lazy. I'll try to be better about that from now on.

Here's what I remember from the Superhero Hash: It started at some bar, not sure which, and proceeded directly back to the T stop we had come from, and then through some parking lots to some sand piles where everybody followed Just Zack and not me, which was obviously a terrible idea. After recovering from this momentary lapse in judgment, the pack rejoined yours truly and we all made our way out of the sketchiest commuter rail station ever. We then proceeded to a clusterf*ck at some intersection while Hareclub ran across a ridiculously long bridge but failed to mention to anyone that he was actually on trail. The rest of us eventually found our way across said bridge and into some neighborhoods where we again lost trail, this time for quite a while. The situation was complicated by the fact that some kindergarten kids had drawn a bunch of circles with x's in the middle of this playground in an obvious attempt to thwart our trail-finding efforts. Luckily Ski Bobbit was there to yell at them to get off his friggin' lawn.

Once we found our way out of there we came to the beer check, which was located next to some sort of malaria-infested swamp. As delicious as the PBR or whatever we actually drank was, none of us were too excited about contracting West Nile, so we booked it pretty fast out of there. Only thing I really remember about trail after that was that we went over some piers and ended up at a bar. I wish I could say I was too drunk to remember most of the trail, but actually I just have no spatial sense of Boston in general, which is why I never feel guilty about not volunteering to be bag car, just so you know. Oh by the way, I might be bag car tomorrow.

By far the best discovery at the on-in was late cummer Friar F*ck, who apparently started out with the pack but quickly lost trail and discovered that he was instead running with an actual running group. Please, if you will, imagine yourself as a member of an actual running group, and all of a sudden Friar F*ck falls in stride dressed as some sort of homeless superhero, replete with a straw hat with corks hanging from it, looking for beer. Classic.

In circle the hares (Schindler's Fist and Spank Me May I Have My Money (or mommy?)) were of course patted on the back for a job well done, which they deserved since the trail was quite good, and Schindler's Fist was given an honorary award for best Superhero outfit. Gotta hand it to her for braving the Boston streets in that underwear, which was actually part of a whole outfit as opposed to many of the other hashers who have been misled into thinking that underwear over spandex = superhero, whereas really you just look like you were wasted when you got dressed. It was also Schindler's one year Hash anniversary. Extra down down.

Visitors to the Hash included Slap My Beaver from Alberta, Sucks to Blow from Nittany Valley, Abercrombie's Bitch from Puerto Rico, and some girl from PA whose name I didn't catch. Just Liz was named Going Down Syndrome (by Hareclub) because she works with mentally retarded children, while Just Leanne was thrown back for the first time despite some decent potential names including Little Girls Make Me Wet (she's a girls' swim coach.) Just Zack was also named, although as Wang Chunks proclaimed, "no name for this kid could possibly be gay enough." It was a tough choice with some good ideas thrown out there including pommel whore and 8-minute crabs, but Olympdick won (offered by Seizure Salad I believe.)

Yup so that's that. I guess I'm also scribing last week's Hash, which should happen soon. Maybe I should start figuring out that I'm scribing before trail starts so that I can do a better job. I'll get on that. See you guys tomorrow.

Oh, favorite quote on trail: "I love the fact that you believe your girlfriend is in another country waiting for you." J-Mo, to Seizure Salad

— Fire

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