April 20th, 2003 - Marathon Hangover Hash

Hares: Cums Alone, One Drunk Walking, Snoreplay, Stuff Me
Start: Our House West, Comm. Ave. Brighton
Beer Check: behind a parking lot off Beacon St., next to a homeless guy's camp
On in: The Linwood Grill, near Fenway Park
Time: 2:00 p.m. HST
Total Distance: eagle trail maybe 4 miles, turkey trail 2+
Scribe: Cums Alone
Weather: 50 degrees or so, sunny
Virgin: Pete

Hashers Present: Cums Alone (hare), One Drunk Walking (hare), Snoreplay (hare), Stuff Me (hare), Anal Avenger, At Your Cervix, Cream Whora, Cum Chowdah, Cum Straddle Me, Just Denise, Deposits in the Rear, Double Flush, Hot for Jizz, Iron Juggies, The Jizzmopper (late), Lube Me In (late, went to Sox game), Mom's Cumming, Mrs. Robinson, Muffalotta, Palm Pilot, Piss Stop (late), Public Access, Puff-n-Stuff, Prom Cream (very late), Public Access, Rectal, Rodent Feltcher (late, went to Sox game), Sponge Bath Square Pants, Sugar Plum Fairy, Swells Like Torn *nus, Viagra Doubtfire, Wee Willie Wanker (he might have been late due to the Sox game, I'm fuzzy on details), WinToes69

Visitors (check Saturday Hash Trash for home hashes): Baboobs (Rumson H3), Bang Cock, Captain Hook, Desperation, Double Fisted, ET, Finger Lickin Good, Gecko (NY City H3), Just Do Me Slowly, Long Cutting B*stard, Mini (Edwards CA H3), Mud Sticker, Mugzie (NY City H3), Nipolean, Party Doll, Peniscillin, Phart, Just Phred, Salamander (San Jose H3), Scratch & Sniff (aka bunnyman), Sticky Fingers, Studfinder, Sucks to be Me (Boulder H3)

Stopped by at the start: a whole bunch of Madison WI hashers

The Start and the Run: Well, after 3 nights of drinking, what did you expect for a trail? We set it by walking. We were amused by road kill and dog sh*t … the sun seemed extraordinarily bright, and a gallon of Gatorade would have been welcome. Still, as you hares, we had a mission.

When we arrived at the designated turkey/eagle split, Stuff Me had a totally blonde moment and marked a check. No no, not a check … this is the turkey/eagle split, doh! Snoreplay and Stuff Me trudged uphill on Summit Ave., dropping blue flour as they walked.

The turkey trail, as set by your humble scribe and One Drunk Walking, was as flat as, well, as flat as possible. ODW was looking for likely gathering places for the CH3 (for a smoking break), but finally decided they could wait til the beer check. We arrived at the end juncture of the turkey/eagle split, and the eagle hares were nowhere to be found. So, we went and got bagels and sat down to wait. And we waited. And waited. I called Snoreplay on his phone but he didn't answer. Hmmmm … could it be that maybe they got lost or worse?? Would the remainder of trail be set by One Drunk and me? Would be hard to explain the eagle trail … we'd have to tell everyone that if they found Stuff Me and Snoreplay, to bring them along to the on-in, unless of course they had been flattened by a truck and were in a hospital. While all this and more was being debated, the missing hares finally arrived. Whew! Pressure was off ODW and me. We set the remaining trail to the beer check, and then to the on in, the Linwood Cafe, which was OPEN (there is a long history of hares scheduling the Linwood for an on-in, only to have them randomly closed when they should be open). Yes, yes … the day was improving. We T-ed it back to Our House West, and found a good number of hashers already there, consuming breakfast and mimosas. We went for Bloody Mary's. Yes, the day was considerably improving, ah! Then, the Ottawa crew arrived with a human-sized Easter bunny with them (whoa, those Bloody Mary's are strong)! The bunny was the hit of the bar. Seems that Scratch n Sniff had rented it (he wisely decided not to wear it for the marathon, so he wouldn't lose his security deposit! But he did wear it for the Sunday trail).

So, eventually, everyone was ushered out of the dark bar into the glorious sunlit spring afternoon. There was an explanation of marks (yes, we included stupid cutesy ones, deal with it), and the pack took off at a slow trudge up Comm. Ave. There had been a hare debate as to whether we should sweep, or if all 4 hares should ride in the bag car to the beer check. We compromised and sent Snoreplay and ODW out as sweep. Stuff Me and I directed Friar to the beer check, where we set up next to the table that belonged to the homeless guy who sleeps under the parking garage ramp.

We waited for over a half hour, but finally a few FRBs arrived for the Molson Export that we had lovingly iced down in garbage bags. Gradually more hashers arrived, until the whole pack was there. We stayed until we ran out of beer, and then it was 3 short blocks to the Linwood.

The on in:

Puff-n-Stuff was RA. Comments included: "The marathon is tomorrow", "a long drive", "short and flat", "too many cutesy sayings", "too hot", something about whipped cream (?), "great", "long trail", "sweeper got lost". We, the hares, did a down down and sang You You F*ck You. And Shine On no doubt de-virginized Virgin Pete, but since the hares were given 6 down downs (I lost track after 3), I have nothing written down that can be deciphered. Ditto, there were bundles of accusations … undoubtedly some that resulted in "if one hare drinks they all drink", oh well.

Anyway, after we wrapped up the circle with a quick swing low (the food had arrived, so I revived enough to take some more notes, apparently). There was a second hash. A first: a free hash!!! Trail as set by Anal Avenger, Swells Like torn An*s and Snoreplay went around the room and ended behind the pool table. The hash had picked up 2 virgins in the bar: Betty, who didn't know the square root of 69 (probably because she prefers it doggie style), and Fred … who didn't know if he'd get off a busload of homos*xuals (he had ambivalent feelings, probably because he prefers the barnyard sheep). FRBs got down downs, so Wee Willie Wanker and Iron Juggies were abused. And there was much singing and rejoicing until hash cash ran out.


  • "You can tell by how his tail falls off." - someone regarding how to remember Salamander’s name
  • "I need a buddy for this one." - Rodent Feltcher to Scratch and Sniff
  • "I don't usually do liquor, but I could do a couple shots." - Six Places to Put Bob Hope at Friday's pub crawl (note, there is not going to be a hash trash for the pub crawl, since it can be thusly summarized: a whole lot of hashers went from bar to bar on Friday night and got varying degrees of drunk)

Interesting observations:

  • Peniscillin claimed he got no sleep due to Captain Hook's snoring. Captain Hook walked into the room and complained that he got no sleep because Peniscillin was snoring all night. Hmmm.
  • Sugar Plum Fairy gets the balance award of the weekend for managing to sleep on Muffalotta's massage table (those tables are high and narrow!).
  • Yet another bodily function story that we probably could do without: One Drunk Walking told Iron Juggies that Friar had gone to take a number 2. Looking around, several hashers asked "Where?" ummm, do we want to know? Ah, he went over to PJ Kilroy's. Since he was needed to drive the bag car, Iron Juggies called him on the phone, and got his response "I'm on the crapper, but I'm almost done". He returned and announced "I'm surprised it went down in one flush."
  • The Most Successful (? I doubt it) Pick-up line of the weekend: "Haven't I seen you on hotredheads.com?" - The Jizzmopper

—- Cums Alone, your humble scribe

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