I will start at the end.
"I am sure we will reach a mutually beneficial agreement so I can acquire your underwear." - 2 of our Canadian visitors
In the ladies room … regarding farting etiquette. Here is the net net: if you are trying to impress a woman you have been seeing but a few weeks, do NOT fart while sitting next to her on the couch and pretend nothing happened. The guy could have excused himself and left the room, preferably for the great outdoors, judging by the description the harriette gave of the wallpaper-removing burst of gas. Maybe if there were a large dog in the room you MIGHT get away with it, but probably not! In the early dating stages, it is sometimes best not to have any pretense of having normal bodily functions. Or at least apologize!
We were T-ing it back to Baaaston Retahhd's car, which we had wisely parked at the Woodland T stop (me, *ss Blaster, Double Flush and BR). *ss Blaster was intrigued by this wigger kid's jeans (at least 20 sizes too large). Baaaston Retahhd had engaged him in a lively conversation about s*x (I do believe, tho he was attempting to act older and more mature, that he might have been 16). We probably had scared and embarrassed him (I guess he had never heard about biting during s*x being a turn on), but he attempted to bluff us with a macho routine, in front of his 2 little chicks, and another guy, who really was black. Finally, just before they were departing the T, *ss Blaster gave a tug on the jeans, which easily dropped to his ankles. Difficult to be a tough macho guy with jeans around your ankle (which I pointed out as he left the T). He had on spandex shorts underneath.
We descended into the Broadway T stop for the ride out to Woodland. The bus ride from the on in was an entertaining one, with lots of songs and a featured pole dance by Baaaston Retahhd in the front of the bus. The driver was laughing his head off (ah yes, I did say head). A few of the civilians on the bus were likewise amused, but a few others looked a little afraid (if you were on a busload of hashers, would you get off??).
We had first attempted to board a cab from the on-in venue to the T, but the cabbie said only 4 could ride … so we ran across the street to a bus stop. There, 20 hashers boarded a bus for the ride through Southie to the Broadway T stop.
There was much partying and dancing (Captain Hook was THE dancing machine) until the DJ finally shut us down. Most hashers then departed for other on after venues.
Oh, and Sugar Plum Fairy won the cruise.
Hmmm, well, one of the featured events after the circle at the on in was the harrier-harriette review … putting the pool table at the Yacht Club to good use. I have no idea who that could have been?!
There was beer and it was good. It was good to see Derek, the beer guy from Newport Storm.
There was food and it was good. We had plenty of food, tho it was good that a couple of pizzas were available, in addition to the vats of pasta and broccoli, ziti, etc.
The circle ended with numerous down downs for infractions, varied and imagined. Same Shirts: *ss Blaster and Bahston Retahd, the hares, Cream Whora, Flushy,
Lubie, Snoreplay. Civilian clothes (a number of hashers had changed out of hash attire, so of course, they got down downs). Etc, etc, until the ice was gone.
Bahston Retard had bought new shoes at New Balance … she got a down down out of one of them, with the beer strained through Friar's sock (I believe it may have been one of his, but all socks look pretty much the same to me)
Visitors were brought into the circle … there were dozens of them (see list below). They got a down down.
Cum Chowdah was dementor for the virgins. They were ordered on their knees and were very afraid. Virgin Lee said that Hare Club made her cum. Virgin Caroline said her sister Piss Stop made her cum (she refused to answer the question about what Piss Stop looks like naked) Virgin Dana said that Nichole made her cum. When asked if she would get off if she were on a busload of lesbos, she answered, "That depends on where they're going." Virgin Jill said that Ching Ching made her cum, but she didn't know the square root of 69. Virgin Steve said that Ching Ching made him cum, as well … but he prefers the barnyard sheep. They were given a down down, and are virgins no more.
The hares were then ordered into the circle, and seated on the ice. I scribed but a few of the comments: "Lovely trail", "not long enough", "ARG". After the hares were thoroughly iced, they were given a down down. Then they sang "What Do You Do with a Drunken Sailor?".
Puff n Stuff was RA. He ordered the overachieving (first to the on in) into the circle: Public Access and Wee Willie Wanker. They were invited into the circle to sit on the blocks of ice. Luckily for them, they were seated prior to the hares, and so it was virgin ice. However, since the ice was on a plastic tarp, when Public Access went to sit, the block skidded across the floor leaving her flat on her back. They were berated for a bit, and finally, once chilled, given a down down.
Trail ended finally at the South Boston Yacht Club. We had the whole top floor to ourselves. There were discretely posted signs saying "no naked hashers past this point" in order to avoid terrorizing the surrounding neighborhood.
From the second beer check it was more or less a direct trail to the on in.
The second beer check was in Deep Throat's back yard. I am certain that no weeds will grow in the far corner of the yard, after being watered by so many hashers. We stayed and drank until the beer was gone and the beginnings of hypothermia were setting in.
From the first beer check, it was a run over a bridge, through a good part of South Boston to beer check number 2. The turkey trail was more or less straightforward, while the eagle trail resulted in several eagles getting lost (the drunk live hares admitted that they were having trouble as well, and had gotten lost setting trail).
Beer check number 1 was at a dead end in the industrial area of South Bahston, near the Boston Design Center. We warmed ourselves in the sun and drank Sam Adams Beer.
From the start at Government Center trail wound around through Quincy Market (the main building with the food court) over through the Marriott lobby past the N. E. Aquarium and then over toward the new Federal Courthouse. We were circle jerked around the new convention center past the World Trade Center, then down toward the Fleet Pavilion. Finally, after a bit more circuitousness, we saw a BN. Sure enough, we had found the first beer check.
The pack gathered at Government Center, under the watchful eyes of 2 carloads of Boston police officers. We were issued our sailor hats, and received our raffle ticket for the Hash Cruise. As the hares took off live to set trail, we did introductions and sang Father Abraham. And then we sang the Button Factory song, and finally we left to follow trail.
A partial list of who was there (I may have omitted a few, or hallucinated and included people who were at the pub crawl and not around Saturday, or even folks that were there for the Sunday hangover hash … there are but few viable brain cells left):
Anal Avenger, Just Ann, At Your Cervix, Biker Chick, Byte Sized Dick, Ching Ching, Cock Climber, Cockpit (aka Hot T*ts Hoolihan), Cream Whora, Cums Alone, Cum Chowdah, Cum Prick Pow, Cums Alone, Cum Straddle Me, Deep Throat (aka Whine Rack), Just Denise, Deposits in the Rear, Double Flush, Dribbles, Just Emily the Horny, French Tickler, Friar F*ck, F*cks Like a Rrrrabbit, Hare Club for Que*rs, Heat Seeking Nipple Finder, Heeless Jack, Hot for Jizz, Hot for Tots, Iron Juggies, Just James, The Jizzmopper, Just Kim, Lame Canada, Just Lauge, Lickity Slit, Just Lisa, Lube Me In, Matt (Gonzolo??), Menage a Tw*t, Just Mike, Just Mitch, Mom's Cumming, Mr. Rodgers, Mrs. Robinson, Muffalotta, One Drunk Walking, Palm Pilot, Pat My Fly, Piss Stop, Prom Cream, Public Access, Puff n Stuff, Rectal, Rodent Feltcher, Scary Cliff, Shine On Harvard Moon, Sir Humps-ah-Not, Snoreplay, Sponge Bath Square Pants, Squirrel Dick, Stuff Me, Sugar Plum Fairy (a late cummer), Swells Like Torn An*s, Just Todd, Tongue Me Please, Toss My Salad, Trail Hoover, Trigger, Velvet Pelvis, Viagra Doubtfire, Virginia Slim, Walked in Doggie Style, Wee Willie Wanker, WinToes69, Wolfgang von Blitzf*cker, You're Not My Daddy
Virgins: Caroline, Lee, Dana, Jill and Steve
Visitors From somewhere else: Eat Me
California Larrikins: Snoop Pussy Pussy, Spitz the Schnitzel
Chicago: Just Do Me Slowly, Flipper, Phart (leastwise, I think that’s where they're from)
Flour City: Sarandickity, Cum Dumpster, Party Doll
Happy Valley: Cajones
Hartford: Follow My T*ts
Los Angeles: Sind Bare, Tweekle Me
Malaysia: Fat *ss
Minneapolis: Ewe Haul, Virgin Steve
Montreal: Boner, Double Fisted, Going Down, Mud Sticker, Sticky Fingers
Music City: Captain Snatch
New Hampster: Drill Consultant, Peckeroni
Newport: Creamy Wheat Female, Little Debbie, Nipolean, Radioactive Seamen
Oakville H3: E.T,
Omaha: On Top Secret
Orlando: Bang Cock
Ottawa: *ss Blaster, Baaaston Retahhd Captain Hook, Finger Licking Good, Peniscillin, Scratch and Sniff
Rhode Island: Basket Boom Boom, EverReady Special Edition, Kneeling Room Only, Oozing Syphilitic Dictaphone, The Raging Queen of Beers
Sydney: Licorice Nipples
Sydney Thirsty H3: Desperation
San Diego: Bridge Over the River Tw*t, Nookie Monster
San Francisco: Deadbeat (he was in Boston, ran the marathon and avoided the hash!! He thanks us for writing his name in the road), Sh*t Eating Grin
San Francisco Gypsies: Long Cutting B*stard
White House H3: Go F*ck Yourself
Washington DC: Pearl Necklace, Watergate
Note: a whole bunch of Madison WI hashers were also in town for the Marathon, but were only briefly seen at the start of the Sunday Hangover Run.
Hares:: dressed in sailor attire (matching outfits with striped pants and eyepatches), Sponge bath Square Pants, Swells Like Torn An*s, Hare Club for Que*rs, plus Deep Throat
Start: 2 p.m. Hash Standard at Government Center T Stop, April 19, 2003
Weather: sunny, breezy and cool
Theme: "1492 - Cum Sail Away … All hands below Deck"
- Cums Alone, BH3 Scribe