Date: Easter Sunday, April 15, 2001
Theme: BH3 Easter Keg Hunt — a clue hash
Start: The Beacon Hill Pub, Charles St. Boston
Beer Check: Lube Me In/Viagra Doubtfire/Wee Willie Wanker backyard in Cambridge
On-In: Cambridgeport Saloon, Mass Ave., Cambridge
Hares: Lube Me In, plus helpers
Time: 2:30 p.m. HST
Total Distance: 3 miles max (it did seem longer, but walking with a hangover does that)
Scribe: Cums Alone
Weather: approx. 60 degrees F, sunny
Present: at least 58 hashers!
Lube Me In (hare), plus his able crew of clue assistants (see who was stationed at each clue in body of write up), Anal Avenger, Ann Marie, Cums Alone (me, the scribe), Deposits in the Rear, Funky Diva, Golden Showers, Horse Butt F*cker, Jason (hash 5), Jimmy, Just My Size, Little Dead Birds Covered with Oil, Man's Best Friend, Mike (hash 2, but he has been to many on-ins), Muffalotta, Nippstik, One Drunk Walking, Palm Pilot, Pony Express, Rectal, Rodent Feltcher, Shine On Harvard Moon, Sperm Breath (we still claim you for us, Spermie!), Squirrel Dick, Steaming Bush, Stuff Me, Sugar Plum Fairy, Viagra Doubtfire, WinToes 69
Double Flush (Newport H3), Shut the F*ck Up (Newport H3) Fish Lips (Long Beach H3), Total F*ck Up (Montreal H3), No F*cking Name Kim (Happy Valley), Short Bus B*tch (from somewhere), Sucks & Swallows (Memphis H3), Capt. Fagg*t (Oxford MS H3), Cumming Twice (The Hague H3), Boomer Wang (Ottawa H3), Alter ED ("erectile dysfunction", Newport H3), John (Newport H3), Party Doll (Rochester H3), Fat Ass (Ottawa H3), Cum On Ya (RI H3), Sil-LA-con Bone (LSH4), Lick'em Young (Wasatch H3), Swamp Pussy (Charlotte H3 .. I think he was there, he was on Friday & Saturday), Tom (NY Westchester H3), Doofus White Boy (Palatka Black Hash), Jesus In a G String (Wasatch H3), Holy Tit, Jen (hash 2, from State College PA), Jesus You Need to Calm Down (DC, every day is Wednesday, H3), Scratch & Sniff (Ottawa H3), Finger Licking Good (Ottawa H3), Dick Master(?)
Carl, Jamie, Paula (really hash 2), Undoubtedly, there were probably a couple others that I missed (most sorry!)
Boston weather had, again, cooperated. It was a beautiful Easter Sunday in downtown Boston. Lube Me In, our hare, had prepared an Easter treat for the Hash … this was a clue hash. We did introductions (in keeping with Easter Sunday, it was noted that we had 2 Jesus hashers in the pack), and the clue hash was explained. Each clue would provide direction to the next clue. To help us find the harriers who dispensed the clues, each would have an HHH flag (as provided by Rodent Feltcher). The out of town hashers were to partner with a Boston hasher (ooh yes, pick me, pick me!), as the clues would be local landmarks. Clues would only apply for the first part of the trail, after that conventional marks would apply (note that although it takes more imagination and hares/helpers to have a clue hash, it takes less time to set the trail, since trail marks are not necessary).
First clue, as provided by Lubie: "Norm". The pack (including out-of-towners) immediately guessed the Bull & Finch Pub. Of course, the non-locals did not know how to get there from the start, but the locals directed them.
Second clue, as provide by Jimmy and Just My Size, who were standing in front of the Bull & Finch (A photo op was provided for those out of town hashers who wanted their picture taken in front of the building that was used for the "Cheers" TV show facade.): "Ride the Ugly Duckling".
Hmmm, well the Public Garden has swan boats, the Make Way for the Ducklings statues (but they are cute little ducks) and a bunch of ducks on the lagoon. Yup, we milled about the Garden a bit, not seeing anyone with a flag or any hasher-looking people. Finally we found no F*cking name Kim from Happy Valley standing by a few bedraggled looking ducks on the lagoon (good thing she had a flag, I didn't know her). Her clue was "Tomorrow's finish - 26".So we bolted (not really, most of us were tired/hung over from Saturday, and walked) down Boylston Street toward the start of Saturday's hash/finish line of the Marathon. There in the grandstand at the finish line we found Sperm Breath, who handed us the following clue: "Go Toward Hopkinton on route, grab a towering deal on a John Valby CD".
Tower Records, too easy (tho not on the Marathon route, exactly). Would we need to go inside to the "V" section??? Ah, no, Stuff Me was waiting outside with the following: "Go 544.4 Smoots plus an ear to the land of the geeks".
Yup, trivia time. The Smoot guy was a unit of measure that some MIT geeks used to measure the length of the Harvard Bridge (Mass Ave leading into Cambridge). Oddly enough, when the bridge was reconstructed a few years ago, they used his son (who was the SAME height as his dad) to re-measure the bridge. There was no hasher at the end of the bridge. I thought perhaps the "ear" had a double meaning (as in the MIT grad student bar, The Thirsty Ear, which is across the street from the end of the bridge). Although most of the pack could have used refreshment, the Ear was closed and not the beer check. We went on down Mass Ave until we encountered Viagra Doubtfire. Viagra was a bit further than the 544.4 + 1 ear … she was in front of the building with the infinite corridor. She said to follow the trail one mile to the beer check.
Trail went through the MIT campus past Frat Row, along the Charles up toward Harvard. Hmmm, could it be that we were going to the hare's house? Yessiree, that would be correct. In Lubie's backyard was a keg of Newport Storm beer. Hashers settled in for a prolonged beer check, with jellybeans as hors d'oeuvres. Scratch & Sniff of Ottawa convinced Finger Licking Good (also of Ottawa) to give up her jog bra, so he could wear it. The obviously resulting photo op was FLG bare-chested, and Scratch & Sniff wearing her bra. Ah, yes, good thing Lubie is moving out of the neighborhood. After an hour or so, it started to get cold, so the pack reluctantly left the keg for the On-In, which was mercifully only a few short staggered blocks away.
Rodent Feltcher (the preferred spelling, BTW) presided as RA of unruly hashers. He called the hares into the circle: Just My Size, Stuff Me, Viagra, Lube Me In, Sperm Breath. I was in no mood to write much, and fortunately, Rodent was in no mood to hear a lot of hot air, so the following are the minimal comments on the run: "Not enough Beer Checks", "I thought the Marathon was tomorrow?" Our hares did a down down, and sang the "Days of the Week" song. The hares were bounced from the circle when they screwed up Thursday and Friday. Visitors were invited into the circle, and almost outnumbered the Boston Hashers. They got a down down.
Virgins were invited into the circle. Jamie said that hopefully, Shine On would make him cum. He likes Lassie, the barnyard animal, from behind. Paula (her first hash was Saturday, but she missed being a virgin) said that Palm Pilot made her cum (enough said!). Jen is a Boston virgin from State College PA, who was also in the circle. Carl is a real virgin, and I have some strange note about him blowing cowboys. They were given a down down and are virgins no more.
We sang "Swing Low", and drank more light beer swill, and consumed lots of pizza.
Scratch and Sniff was not content with Finger Lickin' Good's jog bra, and was now searching for a harriette willing to exchange her panties for his underwear. What the hell. He was wearing dark boxer briefs, not tighty whiteys …. I told him he could have the clean panties in my backpack, rather than the ones I was wearing. He was initially disappointed to accept non-thong undies, but they were Victoria's Secret, in a festive floral pattern (given his plan to wear them for the Marathon, thong would not be the wise decision … think about it! Ouch!).
- Yankee Fans: Nippstik, Steaming Bush
- Whining like a baby: Sugar Plum Fairy
- Sweat Test failures: Fudgie, Ann Marie, Pony Express, One Drunk Walking, Squirrel Dick, Little Dead Birds Covered with Oil, Man's Best Friend
- I also have some scribbled note about someone being f*cked by the Feltcher???
As beer still remained in the Newport Storm keg, a number of hashers left the Cambridgeport Saloon for Lubie's place. Beer was consumed until the keg went dry. During our musings, we started a discussion regarding a future name for Mike, Fudgie's roommate. Here are those that I can read from my somewhat inebriated scrawl: "Piss Infested Bubble", "Cum Bubble", "Sucks Fudge" (a crowd favorite), "Little Fudge Buddy", "Fudgie''s Spum Buddy", "Fudge Buddy", "Fudgie's Homo S*xual Butt Buddy", and last but not least, "Carnivorous Butt Hole Fly". Maybe when the time cums, we will cum up with something more original??
—- Cums Alone, your humble scribe
