April 13 2003

In the absence of any real talent, I was asked to perform the duties of
Hash Scribe for the Hash with No Name on Sunday, April 13th.

The Hares were: Snoreplay and Friar Fuck

The Pre-lube was at the Silhouette Lounge on the corner of Allston and
Brighton Avenues (as if there's a Boston hasher who doesn't know where the
Swillo is).

The unfortunate lone virgin, Lisa, quickly came to know the face of
decadence as she was introduced to the Jizz Mopper. Shortly thereafter, she
was quoted as saying, "This isn't my kind of place."

We circled up outside the Swillo for introductions and general abuse. Just
Cliff was treated like a virgin though he is really a transplant from the
North Carolina trash. The crowd was pleased to hear that there would be two
beer checks; however, the audacious bastards also informed us that there
was a false beer check.

With the weather cooperating like a Boston Harriett with a few beers in
her, the pack headed inbound on Brighton Avenue. We hit a check a few
blocks down and that's about all I can tell you about the trail. Wee Willy
Wanker, Mrs. Robinson and myself knew we we're f*cked when we ran into Anal
Avenger after awhile.

Eventually the pack passed some Bocce players and came upon the first beer
check. We sent Just Cliff into the gator-infested swamp in search of beer.
After a few minutes he emerged empty handed. We blew our whistles and ran
away thirsty; disappointed that we had found the false beer check.

The first real beer check was along the Charles River near Arsenal Street I
think. Public Access, obeying her thirst, tore through the shiggy, with the
determination of an Iraqi looter, to retrieve the beer bag.
We gathered for beer while Shine-On and Fucks like a Rabbit entertained us.
(They sang for us you sick bastards, what did you think I was talking
about??) Just Angela and Pat My Fly mudwrestled while the rest of us
enjoyed our cheap beer. Except for Who's Ron Jeremy and the Sugar Plum
Fairy, that is. Apparently, in an attempt to make him immortal, Who's Ron
Jeremy grabbed the Sugar Plum Fairy by his ankles and dipped him into the
Charles River three times.
A few more drinks and the pack was off.

There was some trail for awhile. It was good.

The second beer check was at W*ntoes 69's house on Turner. Like the Swillo,
we all know where Wintoes' house is. Believe you, me, I've got some stories
to tell you about that place.
The beer was delicious. There was a sign advertising 25 cent face rides but
I didn't see any procured. Now I'm not one to gossip, but I did notice that
Shine-on and Cum Chowder were buying beers later at the on-in with handfuls
of quarters.
We drank some beers and ate some ginger snaps.
In a rehearsal for 'Guys Gone Wild', Wintoes showed us his boobs from the
balcony. Oddly, the loudest applause came from Cream Whora. Simultaneously,
in a sick twist of fate, Just Laura was cornered by the Jizz Mopper who
begged to have his nipples pinched. Laura then proclaimed that she would
rather be lost alone than be on trail with the Jizz Mopper.
The party ended abruptly when Anal Avenger was caught attempting to violate
Friar's Dog.

The on-in was back at the Swillo after a bit of great trail. It was an A to
A trail.

Comments on trail included, but weren't limited to: 'Not enough anonymous
sex on trail', '2 hares on trail', 'something about cleavage' (I couldn't
hear so well after hitting my head while slam dancing to a sex pistols song
with Jizz Mopper), 'Where's the shiggy?'

The Hares sang a song about a dead dog. It was a huge fiasco.

Virgin Lisa and Just (semi-virgin) Cliff were asked to take their hats off
and get on their knees. For the record, Virgin Lisa assumed this position
in under 3 tenths of a second.
The dementress, Shine-on Harvard Moon and the dementor, Cum Chowder
interrogated the virgins. One of them insisted that the square root of 69
was 13 while the other was confident that it was closer to 247. I'm
serious. We almost asked them to leave, but we decided we needed the beer
money. Virgin Lisa redeemed herself when she was asked what her favorite
sexual position was. She said she didn't care as long as it could be with
Puff and Stuff. We were all tickled pink to find out that her favorite
barnyard animal is a pig. Some incredulity surrounded Just Cliff's
announcement that he didn't like sex up the bumb. Both of them said the
internet made them cum.

There was a same shirt accusation resulting in a few down downs and a down
down by proxy for Public Access. Swells Like Torn Anus did a down down for
sitting in the circle. That boy is so disrespectful.

Just Laura was named. That's kinda weird because it's only her fourth hash.
Nonetheless, she deserved one. Among the candidates were: 'Penus Butter',
'Heat Seeking Nipple Finder', 'Swallows the Chowda', 'Devil in Me', and
'Just asking for It'.
It was a close race between Penus Butter (resulting from a sandwich
incident at a beer check at my house) and 'Heat Seeking Nipple Finder'
(spawned from a night out with some Harvard boys). She will forever be
known as Heat Seeking Nipple Finder.

'Pay me now or pay me later' Wintoes 69
'I gave up God for Lent' Public Access
'mumble mumble mumble' Friar Fuck
'I have Nothing to say to you people' Nipple Seeking Heat Miser

Hares Present: Public Access, Stuff Me, Cum Chowder, Virgin Lisa, Puff and
Stuff, Fucks Like a Rabbit, The Sugar Plum Fairy, Mrs. Robinson, Mom's
Cumming, Wintoes 69, Mr. Rogers, Shine On Harvard Moon, Master Gator, Who's
Ron Jeremy, Bangcock, Just Cliff, Swells Like Torn Anus, Lickety Slit,
CreamWhora, Just Angela, Pat My Fly, Prom Cream, Dribbles, Heat Seeking
Nipple Finder, Fudgesuckle, The Jizz Mopper, Anal Avenger, Wee Willy
Wanker, Menage a Twot

Late Cummers: Cockpit, Ching Ching, Rectal, Iron Juggies

On On,
Master Gator

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