November 23rd, 2008 - The Boston Old Fahts Inaugural Run

I decided I couldn't hash again until I got at least one hash trash finished. And since Ski has been harassing me to finish the Old Fhats Reunion Hash Trash, here it is (crap, I have a lot of notes). The Old Fhats plan to hash once a quarter. Some of the hashers present are virtually unknown to the current Boston HHH, but have hashed in Boston for many years (some are major backsliders).

- Cums Alone, Boston Old Fhats hasher

THEME: a chance for hashers who have not hashed in awhile (and for those who don't need a fake id for the on-in) to gather and hash together
WHEN: Sunday, November 23, 2008, 2:30pm HST
START: South Station, Boston
FINISH: The venerable Hong Kong in Quincy Market
BEER CHECK: bottom of Beacon Hill, near the Fiedler Footbridge
HARES: Dribbles, Mr. Rodgers (who also drove Bag Car, Ski Bobbitt was supposed to hare, but due to a family emergency could not set the trail)
WEATHER: it was pretty cold and windy … not cold enough for beer to freeze, tho!

HASHERS PRESENT: Dribbles, Mr. Rodgers, Rodent Feltcher, Double Flush, Squirrel Dick, Sperm Breath, French Tickler, Lube Me In, Sweet Molasses, Rubba Groin, Viagra Doubtfire, Pat My Fly, Dum Enuf to Marry Him, Stones, Friar F*ck, Hot For Jizz, The Fat One, Mr. Bean (and Sippy Flask, the only underage hasher present), Cum on Brie, and Cums Alone (me). Also a late cummer at the on in - Ski Bobbitt.

MISSING HASHER: Shine On Harvard Moon (she was seen driving by the start). We waited for 1/2 hour, and she was still missing … maybe she was just driving by. The hares got lots of interesting cell phone calls, since they wrote their numbers on the pavement outside of South Station … there was no hotline option, since the Boston Hash was hashing at the same time, shhh!!!).

THE START: We started from Clark's inside South Station. There was much rejoicing at the pre-lube, as we had a very good-sized pack, even though it was not advertised, and was an under the radar top-secret hash. It was great seeing hashers who have not hashed in a long while. Stones, one of Boston's former GMs was present. I don't remember the last time I saw French Tickler or Rubba Groin, but it was great that they came out for the inaugural trail.

THE CIRCLE UP: We circled up in Front of South Station and did the usual introductions.

THE TRAIL: Trail went immediately back through South Station past the food court and the train tracks over to Atlantic Ave. and the pack immediately got lost at a check. The trail was marked, but strangely (like a trail by committee). The Fat One immediately got lost. The only surprise was that more hashers didn't get lost. We went down a side street toward the Chinatown Gate, and noticed an arrow on a column behind us pointing back toward A. We wisely ignored it. But, then we lost trail again in the middle of Chinatown. Seems the third mark from a check was under a sandwich board advertising a sale in some store. Trail then wound through the dangerous Downtown Crossing (fortunately, no shootings that Sunday), and over to Boston Common. Trail then went back toward New England Medical Center, and toward the Mass Pike. Trail veered back toward Back Bay and the Hancock Tower. We got a distressed call from some of the running hashers (there was a substantial contingent of walkers on this trail, and I don't mean the kind that are used for assistance by individuals in nursing homes … about half the pack was walking). Eventually, the pack found more marks as trail went down Clarendon or Dartmouth Street toward the Charles River. We followed trail for a long time before we saw the beer near. And after crossing past the Fiedler Bridge, we found the bag pick up truck, with plenty of assorted beers (including some very good beer along with the usual swill). Stones and Rodent Feltcher were missing, but were not in some local bar … seems they crossed the Fielder Bridge to the Esplanade, and finally figured out their mistake. There were the usual pee break jokes and depends jokes, which were not that far off the mark. After a beer or two, and whiskey, the pack was getting pretty cold (it was very windy, so it felt even colder). From the Beer Check trail went more or less directly to the on-in at (surprise surprise) the Hong Kong. I don't remember the Hong Kong having a train running on a track along the ceiling, but the half-mind is the first thing to go.

THE ON-IN: The Fat One was RA, and the circle started once the pack had at least a beer or two to warm up. Comments on the run included: "invisible marks", something about Stones being in an alley with Mr. Bean, "truly f*cked up", "I was an FRB", "four runners out of the whole pack", "not enough chalk", "it was intricate and well marked" (Ski, who didn't do trail), "we got all over down town Boston", "not enough walkers", "good beer and whiskey check", "what was it? I don't remember.", something about 4 soiled depends, "short cutters first to the on-in proves it's an old fhats trail", "I found something much better than trail … tail". There were many down downs. All former GMs got to drink. Lube Me In got to drink for knocking up Viagra Doubtfire. All the unemployed got to drink. Everyone who lost in the stock market got to drink. All foreigners got to drink. We did a quick hash religion and adjourned to eat food and drink more beer. Well, we didn't have pizza. We had a whole bunch of fried rice, crab Rangoon, and other assorted Hong Kong delicacies (not pizza was fun for a change … but I'm not saying that the food at the Hong Kong is its best asset either …that would be the train set). Then since Shine On wasn't there, her mug was given to some other hasher (I don't remember who, and I didn't write it down) to keep and hopefully return to her some time.

QUOTES:

  1. "Depends, not just for incontinence." - Friar F*ck
  2. "It's to make it more of a family place." - French Tickler, regarding the trains at the Hong Kong
  3. "Wow, I can stand up and everything!" - Squirrel Dick
  4. "Still, what's up with the train?" - Lubie
  5. "Where's the Mrs.?" - The Fat One, to Sperm Breath (and Dum Enuf to Marry Him was standing right there)
  6. "At least we don't get carded at the door of the Hong Kong."
  7. "This is the first hash I've been to where I didn't want to hit on the harriettes." - Hot for Jizz (and there was much rejoicing among the harriettes)

—- Cums Alone, scribe

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