December 28th, 2008 - Holiday Sandwich Edition

Disclaimer: this hash trash is being brought to you by Bag Car, so many trail details are either missing or perhaps made up….
The Hares: [home team] Anal Beads & Just Ben; [the visitors] Cuffy (SLOH3) & Chocolate Starfish (Ben Franklin Mob)
Bag Car/ Scribe: Nice T*ts
Virgins: Virgin Jeff and Virgin Jared
Late Cumer: Sugar Plum Fairy
Lost on Trail: Shorn, who was found at the on-after intoxicated with Queerleader

The Pack: GAP, Shorn Scrotum, Public Rectum, Friar F*ck, SATRAC, Mr. Bean, Eek-a-bean, I Eat Tea Bags, STD, Knob Gobbler, Placentos The Fresh Maker, Just Brian, Better Late than Pregnant, Spunk in the Trunk, Just Kyle, Shitty Meats, Just Kristen, Comes Early, Just Jonathan, Pat My Fly, Arachnophobic Dyke (Burlington)

Trail: Prelube was at Uno's in Porter Sq, with chalk talk being done in the back parking structure after a brief delay. Apparently our virgins got lost trying to find bag car… great start to trail. From Uno's there were 2 live trails set which, according to the pack, resulted in many confusing intersections with checks on opposite corners and very few marks. I do not see how this confusion could have been possible given the whole 6.9 seconds of planning that occurred before the hares left the bar. The pack headed in a semi-circle jerk with some big hills that Just Brian soared up like a Gazelle, while GAP was looking for short cuts in the sewers. A-Dyke looked around for Tits Checks in vain, and the walkers nearly beat bag car to the first beer check, which was blocks away from the start in AB's back yard. From there, the pack continued to follow marks the size of Cuffy's member* that were drawn by his lovely fiancee, Chocolate Starfish, to Just Ben's backyard at the top of Winter Hill.

Note: actual size: >

Circle: GAP started it off by leading the pack in a harmonious "Shitty Trail" to tell the hares what they all thought. I think there were comments about trail, but nothing earth shattering that the Scribe managed to put down on paper, although there were some good quotes. The hares then responded by singing a mashed up version of 3 hash favorites: "My Girlfriend is a Vegetable", "Hog Calling Time", and "I Used to Work in Chicago." Thanks to Cuffy & Tits for saving SATRAC at her not 1 but 2 attempts to contribute a verse. GAP then tagged Cuffy in as RA who decided to show us how much he forgot while hashing with SLO H3. Next time we will supply him with a list of Down Down songs, although all was forgiven because he managed to RA the entire time while bouncing on a trampolean.

Dementing: We had 2 virgins, Jeff & Jared. Both of whom Spunk was glad to dement: they were nice young strapping lads. We learned that Jared likes to squeal like a pig when Comes Early makes him come, and he apparently has a blow-up doll named Amanda. Jeff was made to come doggie style by Knob Gobbler who rode him in circle to demonstrate the point.

Namings: We had 3 attempts, 2 successes… like sex with Cuffy, minus the last part.

  1. Just Ben, who hared a trail that was at least great from a bag car perspective, was not named: Abort the Beaver, Dirty Poindexter, Commando Beaver, Bare-assed Buddha, or Cankle Bitter. He will instead be known as Dick Jockey.
  2. Just Jonathan, who works as a Cuffy impersonater when Cuffy is on the lesser coast, was not named: Cuffy version 6.9, Double Down Me, or Black Jack-Off, but thanks to a brief utterance by Mr. Bean will forever be known as 5 Inch Penalty.
  3. Just Brian, who first came in Paris and has been slumming it with us since, was tossed back as the pack did not like the following suggestions: Gay Paree, French Tickler, or What Can Brown Do For You? I suggest we get some more dirt on this fella and try again. To get you started: he is rumored to be an ex-speed skater, who has a stab wound in his abdomen, and may have had sex at the Muddy during the Goth Holiday party.
  4. Wait, there's more. I thought she said only 3. There was an occasion to re-name a hasher as new information came to light. Apparently Public Rectum is living proof that a reverse vasectomy can work. He was thus re-named The 2nd Cumming!

Accusations: STD and Comes Early were DFL as the Bro Jobs they swapped took longer than anticipated. A-Dyke & Placentos were called out for tecnology on trail: insulin pump and medical pager… saving lives is an occasion to drink at the Boston Hash! I'm sure there was more, but I stopped paying attention. As the beer became sparse the pack headed to On the Hill Tavern to continue their shenanigans and find food, as the hares kindly took only $5 and left the pack hungry. In closing, I'd like to welcome Dick Jockey and 5 Inch Penalty to the hash, and ask you all to cum again next Sunday. I promise beer and perhaps running, although it is a GAP trail so anything is possible.

Quotables Quotes

  • "I took a dump on AB's bed…. I thought he wouldn't notice" - Cuffy
  • "Guys like Anal Beads" - AB
  • "If they are too big, it feels like taking a giant poo" - SATRAC
  • "If anal beads are liking taking a dump, sign me up!" - AB
  • "I LOVE a good sausage fest, trail of the year!" - Spunk on the girl/guy ratio
  • "Comes Early wants nuts" - STD
  • "It resets the energetic and magnetic center of my cock" - Dick Jockey
  • "Depending on the beer I drink, I poo differently" - Cuffy
  • "No boobs on trail" - A-Dyke
  • "but the hares touched Tits" - SATRAC
  • "If you don't pay your bill, I WILL stab you" - waitress at OTH Tavern to virgin Jeff

- Nice Tits

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