DATE: Wednesday, April 16, 2008
HARES: High An*s, Mastor Gator, SATRAC
BAG CAR: Catheter the Great
PRE-LUBE: JJ Foley's Fireside Tavern
SPECIAL GATORADE CHECK: Under a shrub in the Arboretum
BEER CHECK 1: Just outside Arboretum, but a house but in the woods
BEER CHECK 2: Woods by Muddy River
ON-IN: Doyle's
DISTANCE: 5 miles or greater
WEATHER: 50-60 degrees and calm
SCRIBE: DEEP Black Hole
The Pack: Just Warren (Transplant), Gay Pride, KY Jenny, Kockasucky (Transplant), Just Katie, Spunk In The Trunk, Beat By A Girl, Dude Where's My Virginity, Headmaster, Europe'en Whore, Stick It To The Bros, Just Lars, Merkin Muncher, Friar F*ck, Bend Over Mommy, The Jizzmopper
The Latecummers: Stinky Digit + her two b*tches (which may actual be male)
The Intro
It was a calm and sunny day when hashers gathered from all over the Boston area to that lovely bit of land called Jamaica Plain. This hash was billed as a "Revival Hash - SHIGGY SHIGGY SHIGGY!" It was also the T-4 DEEP Black Hole leaving hash. Only three more until liftoff!
Many hashers gathered at JJ Foley's. I quick used the loo before the hash started, and was startled to find a sign on the bathroom door of the women's which said "Anyone caught doing or selling drugs in this bar will be kicked out FOR LIFE!" I feel like there's a story that explains that one. Also of interest was one of the hare's shirt - which said something like "Protect JP" and had a picture of a gun on it. Mastor Gator was just showin' his JP Style.
The Trail
Trail started by winding its way right out of the bar, up around the Forrest Hills T, and down a road to a naturey path, which lead to another road, which eventually led to the Arboretum. The pack fumbled a bit then, until one of our nearly a virgin (but not quite) new hashers, Just Lars, found some pink flour and thus trail. From there, it was a short hop to a "r*nning" special gatorade check, which consisted of a single huge bottle of well-doctored gatorade which the pack took swigs out of, and then kept on running. How very M*rathon-like of them.
From the r*nning Gatorade check, trail continued through the Arboretum, in a straight-forward manor, like a cross-country race with alcohol. We took the conifer trail in case anybody wants to scoop up some suspicious-looking pink flower (props to the hares in keeping with the Ladies them of M*rathon week). Trail went up, down, around, and through some hills, exited the Arboretum, and went down the road just a piece to the first standing Beer Check, located in some woods just a piece down from a large house. No idea whose house that was.
Stinky Digit arrived with her crew of b*tches (I'm talking about dogs here again, people). The pack was amused and impressed by Stinky D and JMo scooping up the poopies from the b*tches. I don't think Europe'en Whore scooped up what she left in the woods, but she did live up to her name (well, at least the first part). A few other hashers made like the b*tches and relieved themselves, while the rest of us drank Guinness (from the bottle!) and PBR (from the can, of course).
From the first beer check, trail followed the Jamaica Parkway, and went past a Lake. The hares took a chance, laying a check in a place such that the pack would either go into the water or continue straight on. Luckily, no one was that drunk yet to go swimming. Then, trail was back on a path, then following the parkway again. It went past that big castle-like house that Just Lars said is lit up in December for the Holidays. Finally, the bikepath marks led into the woods by the Muddy river, which Gator said "should not be confused with the Charles River." The beer check was in the woods.
The pack drank more beer, again with the options of Bottles and Cans (Just Clap your Hands, Just Clap your Hands.) Actually, the pack did talk about the Clap, Clapping, and the Clapper on An*l Avenger's famous bed. If you haven't heard about this Bed, you are missing out on some good hash lore. Let's just say it was round, had a smoke machine, and a strobe light. JMo also shook his hot dog, which was panting, at everybody. Near the end of this beer check, just as the hares were starting away, a very bright searchlight shined on the pack in the woods, from a cop car. Luckily, the hares and Bend Over Mommy made nice with the po-po. They told him that we do a run every month or so, and that we end up at a bar at the end, but we were just catching our breath for now, because we're so out of shape (not a word that we were out of breath because of all the beer drinking). It worked, and the po po went off to go find some people actually causing real ruckus in JP.
From the second beer check, trail went through some of the fine residential areas of JP, down Centre Street, along a bike path which encircles the commuter rail tracks, by the Green St. Orange Line T stop, and down to Doyle's. Luckily, none of trail overlapped G-Strings Lame-*ss Sunday trail.
The pack congregated in a side-room of Doyles, before some smart hasher requested the back room, so as not to disturb the huge number of ultimate frisbee players dining at said fine establishment. Or, to make sure they didn't start throwing their frisbees at us to steal our huge tracts of beer.
The Circle
The Jizzmopper was RA for the evening. The hares (High An*s and Mastor Gator, SATRAC was sadly away in a foreign cuntry) and bag car (Catheter the Great) were brought into the circle. Comments on trail included "Death F*ck March!" "SHIGGY SHIGGY SHIGGY!" "Trail of the Year!" "On & Off Jamaica Way!" The pack gave the hares a short down-down song "Mom Blow Job" and were kicked out of circle.
Transplant Just Warren was brought into the circle. He said he was from JP (well, he is now), but really he's from "Bin Ten Laos." At least that's what I think he said. It definitely wasn't english. The pack decided that maybe he was a Terrorist. Just Warren was given the option to sing a song, tell a joke, or show us a body part. Just Warren turned out to be an *ss man. He also turned out to not have been taught how to properly do a down-down at his last (terrorist) hash. Because JMo is unemployed, he showed him. Now Just Warren knows how we roll in JP with down-downs. Welcome to the JP/Boston/etc. Hash, Just Warren!
The following did down-downs for the following infractions:
Birthday - DEEP Black Hole (this down-down came complete with a special birthday song)
FRB - Stick It To the Bros
FBI - Bend Over Mommy
DFL - Friar F*ck
Stinky D failed a Vet Test (actually, she didn't, but it rhymes with sweat). Kockasucky and Just Lars tried to accuse people of something, but failed, so they down-downed along with the JP social (Just Warren, Bend Over Mommy, KY Jenny, Just Katie, and Mastor Gator).
Beat By a Girl was accused of grabbing small child balls - which was true, as he had picked up a soccer ball on trail. JMo and DEEP Black Hole were accused of being unemployed. All down-downed together.
Backsliders included: KY Jenny, Mastor Gator, Gay Pride, Merkin Muncher, Just Warren, and High An*s. Catheter the Great joined them, because when hares drink, bag car drinks. DEEP Black Hole also joined after popular vote determined that her accusation of Gay Pride backsliding was false, but both should drink anyway.
Spunk was accused of going down under by Headmaster. By popular vote, both down-downed. Since Headmaster was on a roll, he accused Gator of protecting JP with the gun on his shirt. You can't shoot a T-Shirt, so Headmaster was served a down-down.
Throughout all this, Kockasucky, Just Katie, and Just Warren were sitting in circle. While down-downing for this infraction, Just Warren split beer, and was served another down-down. Gay Pride joined him because his name is Gay Pride.
In honor of Thursday night's (tonight!) Boston Moon 69th hash, a Mexican down-down was called, which Friar F*ck took, because he had put hot sauce in his beer and has a Mexican Accent. Catheter the Great, KY Jenny, High An*s, and Mastor Gator were accused of using technology on trail. Finally, Stick It To The Bros down-downed for demonstrating improper cunningl*ngus technique to the entire pack. The hash swung low, and broke circle to dine on cheese, pepperoni, and pineapple pizza. JMo regaled us with his story of how he got a job working for the Devil again, but this time he's not selling Viagra.
The Announcements
- Today is T-3 All, before I lift off into space! AND, in honor of my leaving, Cuffy has returned for a 4-month celebration of Cuffy's going away hash!
- Tonight - ARRRRIIIIIIBBBBBBAAA! It's a Mexican Hash!
- T-3 (Thursday): Boston Moon Hash at 6:30 HST starting from the Milky Way Bar (Orange Line to Jackson Square and follow marks down Centre St.) $10.
- Hold on the Count (Friday): Pub Crawl - go to the Marathon Page for more details (http://www.bostonha sh.com/marathon0 8/) PLEASE NOTE THE SCHEDULE HAS CHANGED! Do update yourself - the marathon website is currently correct. Pay as you go.
- T-2 (Saturday): The BostonM*rathon Hash. Dress up like a Lady 'cause It's Ladies Night!Registration from 12-2, Pack away at 2:30. McFadden's (148 StateStreet). Take the Blue Line to State. Make sure you have registered or no ladies or beer for you!
- T-1 (Sunday): Hangover Hash, 11 am HST, FREE with M*rathon Registration (otherwise $10). 21 Beacon St, Boston MA, Room 10D.
- Lift OFF! (T-0) (Monday): The actual M*rathon! Come out, hang out with the hash, and hand out beer to r*nners! See (http://www.bostonhash.com/marathon08/).
- Want to print all this out on paper so that way you don't have to carry your computer around with you? Go to http://www.crazyhappenings.com/ marathon. doc.
The Quotes
"Aw Damn, I got off again!" - Beat By A Girl
"Whatever the Vagina says, I'm doing!" - Beat By A Girl
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